How do we move past this?

[georgin]

My husband and I had a very bad argument yesterday. Eventually I ended up staying at a hotel because things got so bad. Since leaving my husband has been constantly calling, but just to berate me. He is also sending very nasty text. I have decided to leave due to his infidelity. I stayed after finding out because I loved my husband. I tried to forgive/forget about, but I couldn’t. It made me angry. It made me hate how I was with him. I was getting upset at things I normally wouldn’t get upset about. When I told my husband I couldn’t move past it he got upset. This made me upset, because I tried and I know I should have left. We have a 7 year old son who is staying with grandparents this week. I had a son before meeting him and he has 2 girls from a previous relationship. Most times when we argue he brings up the fact I’m in therapy and I’m have problems. But this time he really let go. I was told I was used because I have a son from a previous relationship. Im a pathetic bitch and I need to let the past go. I packed up my things and I left. He called numerous times but Everytime I picked up I was being yelled at. I stopped answering then he went to text messages. He feels sorry for the boys because I’m a pathetic mother that will ruin them. Im fucking sick. I’m ruining our children by leaving etc. I know that I’m making the best decision , but it feels like he’s telling me these things so I’ll stay. I know that’s exactly what he’s doing. I felt so low when I read those text. I feel numb I want to cry but then I’ll feel weak. I can’t sleep I can’t focus I’ve been laying in the same position for the past 5 hours. I did go back and forth with him for a while, but I had to stop talking to him when he started taking personal shots at me. I’ve said some nasty things to him as well, but I never berated him, I never used his past as ammunition during the argument like he did me. I regret telling him about my past relationships because he used everything I told him to hurt me. I understand in a heated argument emotions are high, but I left home feeling like a complete fool.

You are not the fool and you have done nothing wrong.

To put it bluntly your DH sounds like an abusive scumbag. Don’t move past it, trust your instincts, this man is the problem, not you. He is not worth your time or your love.

You have done nothing wrong. Please don’t go back to him. He is a bully. Do you have someone you could stay with when you leave the hotel?

Yes, I could go to my parents home. Which is the best thing because he will not leave.

He sounds horrible, OP. Why go back to someone who cheats on you and says such cruel things to you? DH and I have some fierce arguments very occasionally but we never say things like that to each other. You’ll never be safe with this man. Stay strong. Stay away from him.

i won’t be going back I can not. I don’t know how to explain this to the kids. I don’t know how I’ll be able to co parent with such a nasty person.

Please contact Women’s Aid for support and advice.

He definitely sounds abusive. He is the one who has had an affair which he expects you to completely ignore and to carry on with the marriage regardless. His remark that:

'I was told I was used because I have a son from a previous relationship.'

I assume that he means that you were 'second hand goods' because you already had a child but him already having two children is different? His arguments are not logical and he sounds like a bully.

If you can, please consult a solicitor about divorcing him and contact a domestic abuse charity such as Women's Aid for advice and help about leaving this abusive prick.

He expects to be able to have affairs and treat you like shit with no consequences at all. You need to find your anger.

What are you finances like? Do you both work?