I've been married to my husband for 14 years, together for 20 and we have two dcs who are primary school age.
For the past few years he has been (I think) depressed and he also has GAD* (diagnosed). He did have counselling and medication years ago when it first got quite bad, but he thinks the problem is more situational than clinical now (I disagree). He also says the medication he took before just gave him an upset stomach and little else, so he isn't keen to get more of it. He also says doctors can't help you change your life etc, so no point going to them.
Anyway, he has become awful to live with. He is visibly miserable all the time and has completely lost his sense of humour. He sees the bad in everything.
For example, he always complains he has no money, we can't spend too much money on this or that although we have a decent combined income. He hates his job but won't leave it as the pay and pension is too good. He honestly takes joy in basically nothing. He used to love food, but now won't eat with the family and doesn't eat enough and has lost weight. Sex life is actually OK, although we only get round to it once a week. But he is so skinny now, I'm finding it harder to be attracted to him 😬
He takes the kids out a lot and does loads round the house. I'd say childcare and housework is split more or less equally, so no problems there. But it's just his whole personality which is hard to live with. I can't remember the last time he said anything nice to me and he honestly sounds like a tantruming toddler when he comes home and decides everything is terrible and he hates our house and the kids are "NOT LISTENING TO ME" or "nobody listens to me" etc etc.
Anyway, we had an argument last night as I'm taking him out for lunch today for his birthday and when I said where I had booked he said it was pointless to go there and was so snorty and petulant about it. I've booked somewhere else for it now but he was so rude.
Anyway, I am getting past caring somewhat. He says I make his mental health worse quite a lot, which I guess must be true. I do try various things from nice treats, cooking meals he likes etc or trying not to bother him when he comes home in silent mode.
I had a dream last night where he had a passionate affair and left me for my work colleague (who is a friend of mine and they've never met...not really the point but dreams are weird). I was hurt at first in the dream and then just really happy he was gone and also that he was happy with someone else!
I don't have any family nearby, but he does. I can't go and stay with my dad as he lives overseas and I have to work and kids have to go to school.
Not sure what I'm hoping to get in response to this thread, but maybe someone has had similar.
Also, I've rejoined to post this. Not sure if people do the whole "cancel the check, pom bears and naice ham" thing anymore, but yes, that.
*Generalised Anxiety Disorder