Just that really. Last night and for the last few months my husband has said he feels insignificant and that no one wants him in the household.
We have a 3yo together with myself having 2 teenagers. The 3yo often says he wants me not him which is a phase but it severely upsets husband when this happens. I’ve tried to reiterate he is just a toddler but he still gets down about it. The last sort of year he’s had a sort of hostile relationship with the teens, oldest teen has stated if he wants respect from her then it works both ways and she wants him to reduce his drinking (he has an alcohol problem, uses it as an escape to cope). Younger teen has had some mild attitude problems lately, nothing severe just the odd answering back and some mucking around in school (I thought this was normal teenage behaviour but husband thinks it is not).
I do pretty much everything within the house, I get up with toddler every day apart from a Sunday where I get a lie in and I am eternally grateful for that one morning.
Husband cooks most nights as I am sorting toddler, ferrying teenagers around, doing housework etc. He gets impatient waiting for me to start dinner so he cracks on and I show thanks every single time. Every single time he does anything such as put some washing on, get up with toddler or put toddler to bed I express gratitude.
Last month due to how he was acting towards middle child I had enough and asked him to go get out, I literally had had enough of the same argument over and over and just said to leave. He left, didn’t say goodbye or that he was going anywhere so I locked the door behind him. I had assumed he’d gone to the pub to deal with it the way he always does and he had however, pub was closed. He came back but I’d locked the door as I hadn’t wanted him to come in in a state and wanted him to think about the situation.
He’s always said to me when he’s struggling with his mental health to leave him ride it out, I do, I allow him all of the space. Last night he told me he doesn’t want space he wants me to help him through it. I’ve asked how but he doesn’t know.
I work with people with MH problems in crisis daily but somehow being this close I am unable to figure out how to help or get through this. I’ve suggested counselling but he said he wants me to help him through it and I don’t know where to start.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to make him feel less insignificant it would be a great help.