Why am I always getting the short end of the stick with men ?

[Kenyaparks]

Why am I constantly running into men who I have to tell how to properly date me. Why do I always get the short end of the stick when it comes to men? I’m constantly dating but nothing comes out of it, I’m tired and starting to throw in the towel at this point. Men approach and or show interest in my looks, then they end up flipping. Men get with me and just turn me loose do me dirty all the time.

Im 24 and all my dating experience had come from dating apps… what can I do to stop running into this problem

Properly date you?

Maybe try meeting people in person rather than on apps? At groups for your interests or sports clubs?

I think men, especially men under 30, often see dating apps as more of a sex menu than a route to a relationship.

Stop using apps. Try to meet people in a more natural environment & get to know them first.

Connect with people in real life: men who share your interests and values. That could be via a sport, musical or creative group, a political or issue-based campaign group, an evening class, a place of worship, through friends (their brothers, cousins, male friends from school or uni etc).

Dating apps make men think women are items to put in their shopping cart. Real life makes men interact with women in a context that reminds them we are fully fledged humans. Also, you get to observe the man in his natural habitat and how he behaves towards others before you date him.

Stop interacting with men who need to be told. Whether in person or on an app it is usually very quickly obvious if they are worth bothering with. Men who are worth dating will be putting in effort to building a relationship with you without you needing to drive it. It is really difficult though, people seem to have got very lazy about dating but I have met some decent men on the apps and IRL. They are just very rare! Set your standards and keep going.

I know this sounds harsh but: what's the common denominator in all these bad relationships? It's you.

So clearly you are bad at picking men. Perhaps the answer then is go for someone completely different to your usual type, or find then in a completely different way, or go for a completely different change in pace.

Hi OP - it’s not just you

my girlfriends and I are much older than you and have been dating for some years

the standard of men out there is absolutely appalling and it’s very, very difficult to find good men

all I can say is keep trying and don’t let your standards drop - difficult, I know

you’re very young so enjoy your life and don’t be in a hurry to find just any man

take your time

Ignore this 👆🏻

Because there is only a short end to the stick - or a shorter end

on dating apps, anyway

OP, do you never meet men in real life? Do you work in an entirely female dominated industry and live somewhere very very rural? At 24 my DDs were dating people they'd been at Uni with/someone they worked with. They were surrounded by a mass of men of the same age as them that they came to know as friends first and then went on to date.

So I would recommend a similar strategy. If you know them as part of your friendship group first of all it can help you weed out those who are just after sex or a 'convenient' girlfriend. Plenty of time for the online dating when your life is so busy and restricted that you don't have the spare capacity for going out and meeting men in real life situations.

Hi @Kenyaparks
I’ve said this in other posts - look up the Burn the Haystack dating method (Jennie Young)

It will change your approach and it will change who comes into your orbit, what you accept and who you connect with.

Its not you OP, I felt the same at age 24 until I was 35. it was not me, it happened to my friends too - we were not picking bad men. It was just that 95-99% were bad men and my friends and all had different thresholds for realising it eventually if at all.

Some went onto marry them, and are now misreable or divorced. Some got engaged and realised the men were shit and called if off. Some (the lucky ones) like you were exhausted by age 24 and at least had their eyes wide open so they would have the opportunity to know a good guy when they see one.

I did go onto meet a good man (entirely by chance and not by changing my tactics) I married aged 37 but some of my attractive, intelligent friends have not been as lucky and are still single. Several of them have had to have babies by donor due to the lack of quality men.

The luckiest ones of my peer groups met nice guys at Uni who were in our friend group and went onto marry them mid 20’s and are in great relationships - they are in the minority.

It is any consolation I was still having guys when I was 32, 33 pull the rug from under my feet after sleeping with them. I would do all the right things; wait until I slept with them, made sure they appeared invested in me - only for the next day to get the cold shoulder. I could always sense the ghosting before it even happened. I remember posting on the relationship boards here at Mumsnet and one woman asked me ‘if I was a shit in bed? It must be something you do’. I also got similar questions from ex-friends. It makes my blood boil to think about it now. I was told ‘to stop being so successful’. 🤢

I honestly now believe it was my career and looks that they seen me as some sort of challenge to overcome. My best relationship came from a guy who had the same / more education than me and earning similar / more than me. Funny that once I dated at my ‘own level’ it stuck! I guess thats another tip.