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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Doing most things alone

3 replies

WHYohwhy12 · 30/05/2025 15:48

How do you get used to this? Married years, 2 kids one primary one high. Half terms etc DH doesn't book time off. I work evenings so I do most of the stuff with the kids to keep them occupied. If we all go out for a walk at the weekends 9 times out of 10 my husband walks miles ahead. It's just depressing. I mention it and after a while and he stops but then goes back to doing it. I've only got my mum and if we go see her he sits on his phone.
His family live miles away and they never message me or anything. Sometimes he goes to visit them without me as I can't get the time off. Lots of things he doesn't want to go to.
I know people will say leave, etc but I can't afford it. It's just depressing and really lonely. He has friends at work. I've realised I've got hardly any friends anymore.
Just come to the seaside for the day and everywhere I look are families where as it's me and my two kids like I'm a single parent. It's depressing.

If I try and say I'm lonely etc he will say we spend time together, we chat etc
. We literally just have a few 5 minute conversations when he gets home. On my nights off from work after I've put the kids to bed half the time he will go and exercise as he can't do it during the day.
Also I've had a health scare and he's really not interested.

OP posts:
KTeachMom · 30/05/2025 16:30

I don’t think you get used to it, it’s more of accepting it if this is where you want your life to be. If not, then it may be time to think about the alternative.
I can sympathize with how you are feeling. It is lonely and depressing and it’s constantly weighing on you, which affects all other aspects of your life. Are there people at work that you are able to make friends with? Can you put your time and energy into your children and hobbies and get fulfillment from that?

Comeonelmo · 30/05/2025 16:37

It sounds a sad life and I suspect many people feel this way. Can you honestly imagine staying with him until you die? Why can’t you leave? You will be entitled to help if you have kids and earn under a certain amount. You have one life op, don’t waste it on a person who doesn’t care about you.

HenDoNot · 30/05/2025 16:40

I’d you’ve decided you can’t afford to leave (have you even researched what you’d be entitled to, benefits, house, pension, CMS?), then you need to make peace with your decision to stay (and it is your decision so own it and don’t wallow) and build a life for yourself that doesn’t involve or need input from your DH.

Take up some new hobbies, join some groups, invite work colleagues to the cinema/out for a drink, etc. Get back in touch with old friends.

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