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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me suss this guy out!

12 replies

Heidi5764 · 30/05/2025 09:23

I’ve been dating a guy for 6 weeks now had around 8 dates, the dates have all been amazing, very attentive etc. He went away for 2 weeks and before he went away he said ‘we’ll stay in touch’ - so I wasent expecting much contact. But he messaged a lot every day sending pics and wanting to talk.

We met Weds night for a nice meal and after a few drinks I suggested going back to his (as he never initiates that). Had an amazing night, then he dropped me home yday morning (Thursday)

However, he’s not messaged since he dropped me off (I know it was only yesterday!) I noticed as soon as he got back from holiday on the Monday he said I will see you on Weds and didn’t message until the Weds.

i was out all day Weds and had not replied to his messages about where we would be going so he sent a message later saying ‘don’t feel obliged to go on the date if you’re tired’ I know it’s silly to read someone by their texting but on messages he’s really pulled back this last week.

Im very cautious as I’ve dated plenty of idiots, so when he was saying he prefers to be in a relationship, even though I do too, I didn’t say that and I said it’s really nice having freedom and I don’t know whether that’s put him off. I do like my freedom but would also like a relationship.

When guys have said this in the past so early on, I’ve let my guard down and said I want the same and they disappear and I’ve been hurt in the past.

Im going away on holiday today so won’t see him until next week now - he’s booked us a spa break next weekend. I don’t know whether to message him or wait until he messages or just accept he’s loosing interest.

OP posts:
Ruby0707 · 30/05/2025 09:29

If you feel like you need to 'suss him out' then he's probably not the one for you.

When a man is interested in you, you'll know. There will be no doubt or second guessing.

ViciousCurrentBun · 30/05/2025 09:30

Did you sleep together for the first time on the last date?

Not online dated myself but this is a pattern that seems to play out often. Have had friends it’s happened to and read on here about it a lot. That they fade after sex.

Foodfiend2025 · 30/05/2025 09:31

He's booked a spa break for you both for when you get back so he's obviously keen on you.

Heidi5764 · 30/05/2025 09:32

@ViciousCurrentBun No it was the second time we had slept together. He initiated it the first time when we had had a few drinks and we continued seeing each other and he seemed really interested. This time I initiated it.

OP posts:
Heidi5764 · 30/05/2025 09:35

I feel like in-person on the dates he’s very interested, like wants to be close, always trying to kiss me etc.

It’s just a really big drop off on the texting front. But then I always take a little while to get back to him as life is very full and busy at the moment so maybe he’s realising that or he’s having second thoughts.

OP posts:
Springtimehere · 30/05/2025 09:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

rainbowstardrops · 30/05/2025 09:43

I wonder if you’ve inadvertently pushed him away a bit, by not replying to his messages for ages and saying you like having freedom. Maybe he thinks you’re just not that into him? Speak to him!

Heidi5764 · 30/05/2025 09:49

@rainbowstardrops I was wondering that. He sent me lots of messages saying please keep your diary free for when I’m back and it’s been him whose arranged every date bar one. And he messages on the mornjng of dates saying ‘are we still on’ so maybe he thinks he’s putting in all the effort. But I’m very over cautious of love bombers/intense guys who fade away. I also act very interested when I’m with and told him I’m excited for spa with him etc. I’m not very good at dating

OP posts:
Fastingandhungry · 30/05/2025 09:56

Think you’re overthinking it, seems to be ticking along nicely.

SeaFloor · 30/05/2025 09:58

Heidi5764 · 30/05/2025 09:49

@rainbowstardrops I was wondering that. He sent me lots of messages saying please keep your diary free for when I’m back and it’s been him whose arranged every date bar one. And he messages on the mornjng of dates saying ‘are we still on’ so maybe he thinks he’s putting in all the effort. But I’m very over cautious of love bombers/intense guys who fade away. I also act very interested when I’m with and told him I’m excited for spa with him etc. I’m not very good at dating

So you’re doing exactly the same as him, but you think it indicates a lack of interest when he does it?

Heidi5764 · 30/05/2025 10:02

@SeaFloor Yeah true - I didn’t see it like that. Because I am interested even if my actions don’t always show it. But maybe this is a good pace for 6 weeks in as it is very early.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 30/05/2025 11:40

You started a thread a few days ago and got lots of advice on that one.
Did you take the comments onboard? As the same red flags are there as there were last week

The fact you’re worried enough to start two threads in a week about a bloke you’ve known 6 weeks should be a red flag in itself

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