I’m just venting!

[Helena231]

I’m just getting this off my chest as I know there are so many red flags! 🚩

Partner and I have been together 8 years, he’s in his 60s, I’m in my 50s.
He was married young then his wife left him in his 40s. He was devastated and has never changed his will since so she’s the beneficiary. We don’t live together.

He has a huge issue with trusting me, I almost have to account for my whereabouts all the time.

He’s obsessed with sex, makes sexual references constantly even about people he sees on tv. When I call him up on this he calls me boring. Very much into porn, I’m not. It does nothing for me.

Got engaged four years ago, it’s never progressed. Now says he doesn’t see the point of ever remarrying.

Wants to buy into half my house. Em…no!

I’m just venting as I know this is likely emotional abuse and I need to get out!

Cut all tie now. If you live seperately it shouldn’t be hard.

You’re venting - at yourself, for not walking away sooner? Feeling it’s harder to do because you’ve invested 8 years? If you’re looking for confirmation that you’re doing the right thing to just go, I’d take a wild guess that a straw poll of 1000 people would give you 1000 people saying you’ve got nothing to lose, everything to gain. Don’t beat yourself up, just walk.

Can you reframe the venting as Future Helena trying to help guide you out of this mess so that you both can live better happier lives.

It does sound like it’s all over bar the shouting, so now work up to getting the relationship to where it needs to be- in the bin.

Get rid of this awful man. Being on your own will make you feel so much happier. You deserve better and unless you leave him you won't get any opportunity to experience that.

Where does he live now, if he wants to buy into your house?

Why hasn't he got a property of his own?

He doesn't sound like long-term relationship material. No property of his own at 60+ and a porn addict who doesn't even have the sense to keep his perversion about it private.

Ageing, perverted porn-addicted would-be cocklodger who wants a nurse with a purse from the sounds of it.

Sorry he does have his own property. Thinks that buying into mine avoids two lots of outgoings. And according to him I’m in debt as he owns his house outright albeit with no savings, life insurance etc and I have a mortgage but with savings etc

Ah, that makes it different! He’s just doing you a favour moving in to help you out financially, even though he doesn’t want to commit to you in any other way. Does your house have space for him to have his own ‘porn room’?

This is the only correct response….took the words from my keyboard!

He sounds grim. If you knew what you know today at the very start would you have begun a relationship with him?

He wants to buy in to deepen his claws on you. Letting him buy in is increasing the complexity and cost of breaking up with him- don’t do that. Today you can say: “I don’t want to continue a relationship with an emotionally immature, jealous & controlling porn addict. Good bye” If you let him buy in then you can’t. It gives him another way to financially hurt you.

Don’t waste any more time on this man. You’ve got your own savings and property, you can disentangle yourself more easily than most.

Funnily enough he wants to put a large screen on my spare room wall…to play his PlayStation he says

Ageing, perverted porn-addicted would-be cocklodger who wants a nurse with a purse from the sounds of it.

Nails it!

Im in my 50’s too OP and I’d rather be single a million times over than waste my life on this grubby sleaze bucket who wants someone to wipe his arse in his dotage (and clean up after his porn fuelled wank sessions)

What on earth attracted you to this creep?

Run don’t walk

Don’t get bogged down in your sunk costs like so many.

Get rid of this nasty porn addict and rebuild your life without him in it. You only need to give yourself permission to end this relationship that’s had been and is going nowhere. All he wants is a nurse with a purse and you fit the bill.

Why on earth are you with this person? End it!

What the hell are you doing? He sounds controlling and disgusting.
Stop venting and dump him.

I'd be tempted to just block him and move on! It's not like you have kids or live together.

Thanks for your responses everyone. For those who asked, he came across as normal and nice when we first met. The cloak slipped as he got older 🙄

He has a huge issue with trusting you after 8 years, I think it's time to LTB.

Another man calculating his windfall if you should go into a shared house purchase. Just run away. Yuck, he sounds really disgusting.