Friend obsessed with her health

[Frustratedfifty]

I have a very close friend that I’ve known for 40 years. Recently she’s become obsessed with her health. Constantly seeing doctors, demanding tests. Changing her diet to avoid anything that she’s read can cause cancer. Interrogating butchers about their sausages. Interrogating friends about their alcohol consumption. Now it’s cosmetics and sunscreen containing hormone disrupters that she’s sending us all links about. She’s evangelical about HRT and has seen multiple specialists who all get dumped because they won’t prescribe the higher doses she’s certain she needs.

I find it all particularly difficult because I had cancer two years ago. I’m celebrating that I now only have to have checks every six months meanwhile she’s made going to the doctor her FT occupation. Money is no object to her, kids are grown up and she’s not worked for 25 years so thinking about herself is all she has.

I know this is a form of anxiety and need for control. Her dad died a year ago and she has definitely got worse since then. A mutual friend has cancer with a poor prognosis plus there’s my diagnosis too. I think it’s a combination of all of these factors that have triggered this behaviour. A friend who struggled after the death of her own dad tried to reach out but was rebuffed and told no she’s fine. I share factual information about cancer and menopause but she spends hours reading and researching medical topics and once she makes up her mind that’s it. She’s quite determined that if she does all the right things she can avoid bad things happening. I just see someone who is healthy and fortunate wasting good years of her life obsessing over her health. And I feel like it’s damaging our friendship because she just won’t shut up about it.

Any experiences to share? Can you ever reason with people like this or is this just part of her now that I’ll need to accept if we are to stay friends?

She has health anxiety likely triggered by the loss of her father and yourself and other friends health problems. I realise it’s probably exasperating for you but try to look at her situation with compassion. She’s terrified. If you need to take a step back and limit contact then you should. I would be suggesting to her that stress is a major factor in creating health problems and she might want to incorporate some relaxing self care rituals into her health routine. Massage for example, talking therapies to help her cope with her health concerns, yoga for building physical strength and keeping the body active, whilst also releasing endorphins. I would try and come at it from a place she will be open to like, “hey I read this very interesting thing about the health benefits of massage/therapy/yoga, especially in women over (whatever her age group is).” Even better if you could have a few articles or studies you could send her about it. If she can reduce her overall anxiety, it will benefit her greatly.