Why do I get "bored" in every relationship I get into?

[Destinedforcats]

Every relationship I've ever had has gone the same way. I meet somebody I think is great, fall in love with them (or so i think) and then I become bored and want to move on. Every time.

I've had two main longterm relationships but despite staying in them for years, I had emotionally checked out by the 18 months - 2 years mark and only stayed because I felt I had no choice (the first one was domestic violence, the second one was because we had children)

Other relationships barely last 6 months before I'm out the door.

I look at couples like my DB and SIL who've been together 15+ years and are blissfully happy, how time has only strengthened their feelings for one another and I think to myself.. I'm incapable of that type of love.

It never feels that way when I meet somebody as I'm always 100% invested if we click, so happy and excited, the feeling just never lasts.

Annoyingly, somebody can only hold my attention if they are a bit hot and cold themselves.

Am I what they call an "avoidant"?

I also have ADHD and this also sounds like me.

I met my DP in person, but through a hobby so I got to know him as a friend first. I’d never have considered him if he was online, or met him fleetingly in a pub.

I think getting to know him really helped - and like you it has resulted in a very different type of relationship

Hedonist? @Destinedforcats

I don’t know if this is an issue that needs therapy? I think most people who stay together over three years are in relationships are indifferent or just plain bad.

Hmm...I'd say 75 percent of them at least.

But then, I'm a romantic lol.

OK this is very interesting. I also have ADHD and this has been my pattern throughout my life.

Female friends, I have lots of and long standing ones. But men I always fall hard, get them to adore me, then get bored of them.

I was also going to say this sounds like ADHD and Dismissive avoidant attachment type.

I'm both and it's been like this all my life too. I don't know what the answer is OP but therapy may help.

I've just met someone and so hoping it doesn't go that way for me as he's such a good man and a good match.

I’ve always been a bit like this and I have ADHD too. Just in the middle of a divorce and keen not to do the same thing again.

FWIW TheTraitor's response is a ChatGPT copy and paste. I don't think that's a problem if it's helpful but I do think it's worth knowing it didn't come from a human.

How To ADHD on youtube has some really good videos about relationships and ADHD. I think another issue with ADHD and relationships is that we tend to be very "all or nothing" with almost everything in life and so relationships in the first flushes can be quite intense and like you need to spend every waking minute obsessing over them. This has two problems - it tends to scare off guys who are a bit more steady and want to take things at a slower pace, which can mean you end up stuck with someone who is similarly intense in approach who may be a love bomber. But even if they take it at face value, it is difficult to sustain that level of intensity over the long term. And the whole limerance issue as well where you're seeing them as this perfect specimen of human. Once that wears off you realise their shit stinks like everyone else's. Nobody can actually live up to that perfect image but if you're hoping someone will, that can trip you up.

I've been with DH for about 15 years I think now, and I reckon one thing which works well for us is that we don't actually do that much together. We have space from each other to do our own thing and that means when we do do something actively together, it's nice and has that novelty value instead of being mundane.

It might be the way you’re wired. And that’s fine so long as you’re happy. Maybe a FWB set up might suit you?

Some ppl don't seem suited to monogamy. I have a few friends like this, they get bored of things easily. Maybe you need to ask yourself what you actually want.