I’ll try and keep this concise. Been with DH 20 years, married 10, DC is 18. When DC was a baby, DH was drinking too much and emotionally distant, so I asked him to leave as I was a new mum and couldn’t handle it.
He stopped drinking, wised up and spent two years winning me back, we then got back together and got married after 2 years.
We moved area, bought a house to do up, life moved on.
2022 my DM and DF both died and then I lost my job. I can’t stress this enough, he was there for me through the crisis but I worked tirelessly on myself and my mental health so it wouldn’t impact the family. I’m now working again, and retraining and financially supporting myself.
iv felt something has been off for a couple of years, but as I was grieving and menopausal just thought it was a phase. I’ve now realised he had completely disappeared emotionally, again, barely spoke, no affection unless sex, no treats, planning, kind words nothing. All of a sudden I’m fuming, I have sat in the lounge on my own night after night whilst he sat in the bedroom and he’s just let me get more and more depressed until it all came out a few weeks ago.
The kicker is, he’s really sorry, wants to make it better, will do anything blah blah blah, but for me he’s disappeared twice when I needed him. What about next time? I can’t seem to trust this isn’t just his MO, and I’ll always be left needing more from him?
He’s just started counselling, but I think wont scratch the surface in the 6 weeks he gets for free (childhood / self esteem issues). I’m also doing counselling separately.
Without being blase or big headed, I am still looking pretty damn good at 50, do I start again by myself / with DC or give it more time to see if this can be saved? I currently have the Ick if he comes anywhere near me as I’m so disappointed in him.
Any wide words? My anxiety and depression are making it hard to see the wood for the trees right now.