Was I in the wrong?

[lostinaworldofchildlikethings]

For context I’m currently living at home until my house is finished being renovated, I don’t pay board and lodge and borrow my parents car as I don’t have my own yet. I’d been for a look around a retail park then decided to walk to a nearby supermarket to pick up 4 things I needed for lunch and dinner. My parents had been out for the day and unbeknown to me had gone for groceries while they were there and doubled up on 3 of the items I bought. This then turned into an argument as they said I should have text or phoned them to say that I was going into the supermarket and asked if they wanted anything to save them going and that I was uncaring and unthoughtful and should apologise for the fact I didn’t ask. They then threatened that I’d be buying all of my own food from now on and wouldn’t be able to use the car. From an outside perspective was I in the wrong?

Yes. I would 100% have asked them what they needed from the supermarket. You're having a totally free ride from them and you owe them at least basic courtesy.

Thanks for this.

Unless this is part of a pattern of behaviour, it all seems over dramatic for doubling up on 3 things. Are they very short dated? Or will they get used?

They’ve overreacted but you were quite thoughtless, I’d have phoned and asked if they needed anything.

If you’re getting free board and lodgings and use of their car, the polite thing to do when you’re visiting a supermarket is to call or text and ask them if there’s anything that they want or need.

You could also occasionally put fuel in the car - just in case that also has never occurred to you.

Who had the car? I think if you had the car then you should have asked about shopping. If your parents had the car then it was reasonable for you only to buy the few things you wanted, and would be able to carry.

This isn’t something that usually happens no and they’re items that will be used.

I suspect this isn’t just about this one incident. There will probably be a growing resentment and a sense that you’re not quite pulling your weight. You’ve probably settled back into being back at home. Why don’t you occupy more of a mindset of if I were a guest here, what would I be doing?

We both had cars.

I hear you.

Hang on, were you on foot? So not necessarily able to carry bags of shopping home?
If so, I still would have called them and asked if needed anything as you were popping in.
If you had the car then YABU. It would take an extra 15 mins or so do whiz around the shop for them. You should be contributing to their home

Okay thanks. Yeah I do that with regards to petrol.

The anger is not about today. Today was the straw. Agree with PP: they are likely suffering from a thousand small lack of consideration from you and this was the one that triggered them.

Yeah I think you've reverted too much into the "child" role and need to try and think about what you can do to help more.

Sorry, OP.

Fair for you to text and ask in future if you’re going to the supermarket, as could save them a trip.

I think on its own it was a bit of an overreaction. I would sometimes text my adult kids to see if they want or need anything from the shop and they sometimes do the same for me. But its a politeness not a requirement. If they don’t I might say “oh that’s a shame, if I’d known you were going I’d have asked you to pick up eg milk” but I certainly wouldn’t be cross with them or call them selfish for that. As others have said, if this is part of a bigger issue of you not cleaning up after cooking (or indeed not cooking at all), never putting fuel in the car, and basically reverting to being an ungrateful teenager, it makes more sense. As a one off its a bit of an overreaction to me.

I had a car but walked to a supermarket from a retail park where the car was parked.

Having guests (even family) living in
your house for more than a couple of weeks is very testing.

They are doing you a huge favour so (if you aren’t already) you should make an effort to do housework, gardening, cook and generally help out. The odd bunch of flowers probably wouldn’t go amiss.

Are you giving them enough time to themselves?

Surely everyone would ask the people they live with if they want anything from the supermarket when they were going? Even more so when you’re using their car! I wonder if you realise how much of a strain it can be when adult children move back home with their parents .

That’s the way I saw it as well at the time. There’s no bigger issue with cooking, fuel or anything like that either.

Okay thanks. Yeah we don’t spend that much time together.

Okay thank you.

Yes maybe you could have asked, but it's very petty of them to start an argument over that.

Thanks for this.

I don't think you've done anything wrong at all. I don't understand them. They are things that will be used. You paid for them. The fact they already had bought them but hadn't told you isn't your fault. Do you think they are just fed up of you still living at home?