MIL wants to take DS away for a weekend - I don’t trust her with him tbh

[ChaosIsMyMiddleName82]

so MIL wants to take DS (17) away for the weekend, just them two. shes booked a hotel in brighton n says its for “bonding” cos hes nearly a adult now n they’ve not been close. i dont really trust her tbh. shes never liked me n shes made comments before that were a bit off – like she goes on about boys needin to be “manly” n has said stuff like “no wonder hes soft growin up with you” 😡

DS is not out to her (as far as i know) but hes been seein boys n girls n told me hes not really into labels etc. i’m proud of him obv but MIL’s said some v dodgy stuff in the past about ppl bein “confused” or “attention seekin” 🙄

DS says he wants to go, reckons its just 2 nights n he can handle her, but i feel proper anxious about it. she acts all nice to his face then slags ppl off behind their backs. i dont think she’d ever hit him or anything like that but words can hurt too. he’s v sensitive even if he acts all chill.

he’s sayin im bein dramatic but my gut says somethins off. hes nearly grown but hes still my baby yk

am i overthinkin or would others feel the same? i don’t wanna push him away by makin a big deal but also don’t wanna send him off if she’s gonna make him feel crap about who he is 😔

ta if u read this, bit all over the place but my heads full rn x

Your writing style was hard to follow but if I’ve understood this correctly, your mother and invited your son on a two day holiday, and he has accepted and wants to go. You’re concerned she will make him be sexually active? Or she’ll realise he’s gay and be unsupportive? If correct, I’d caution your son to reconsider going and, if he still wants to, ensure he has the means to leave if he regrets the choice.

Bit of a stretch to even consider that she would be violent towards him ! He’s right let him go and maybe this will be the right opportunity for them to bond or for him to realise she’s a dickhead or anywhere in between. I honestly thought you must be talking about her taking an infant not a 17 year old man !

He’s 17.

she wants him to go.
he wants him to go.

you’re past the point about being able to police your children’s relationships with family members

I’d let him go (he’s 17), but be on hand to book a hotel for just him or train home if he contacts you and feels he needs it.

And actually, she’s booked Brighton which is so very diverse…. May be a good sign that she’s accepting of him?

I thought this was going to about a toddler. He’s 17! Just let it happen, and it’s on her if they improve their relationship or if it ends badly.

thx all i do get hes 17 n he makes his own choices now but i still worry. its not bout her makin him be active or owt (not even sure where that came from tbh) its more shes said stuff before that was proper nasty n im not sure shed hold her tongue if he did open up to her. she thinks bein gay is a “phase” or cos hes got no “male role model” 🙄

i get ppl sayin hes grown but like hes still figuring himself out. i just dont want her sayin somethin that sticks yk? hes been thru a lot this year. if she upsets him he’ll just bottle it n act like hes fine

brightons prob good yer but also depends who ur goin with init. im not sayin she’d hit him i was just sayin words hurt too, esp from family

anyway will def make sure hes got cash on him if he wants to come home n i’ll tell him to call if she gets weird

appreciate the replies x

Why now?. Why is she doing this (not out if the kindness of her heart necessarily). Whats her motivation?.

How has she been as a grandmother to your son over the years?. Good or not so good?. What fort if mother is she to you?. If she is too difficult for you to deal with for whatever reasons, it will be the same deal for him too.

Discuss what he will do if it all go sideways.
If he wants to go you cannot prevent this but I would make sure his phone is with him and has the financial means/train ticket to go home at short notice. If she kicks off he needs to contact you immediately.

Where is FIL, I ask only as he is not mentioned.

good questions tbh n stuff ive been thinkin too

dunno why now. she aint done owt like this before. maybe shes feelin guilty or sumthin now hes older?? like suddenly realisin she dont really know him n tryna fix it fast. but it dont feel like its just about him. she kept goin on about how she’s missed out n she wants time with him, not askin what he wants iykwim. feels a bit performative tbh

as a nan… meh. she’s alright on birthdays n xmas, throws money at stuff but not not very involved day to day. never come to parents evenings or helped when he was strugglin with school. when he was little she used to roll her eyes if he cried n say boys dont cry 😐

to me shes been… hard. like everything i do is wrong, never good enough. she’s always talkin about how i “trapped” her son (i was 18 n he weren’t trapped trust me). makes digs bout my job, my house, my clothes. she’s not physically mean but she cuts with words if that makes sense

FIL passed away when DS was 5 so hes not in the picture. he was the decent one out the lot tbh

def gonna talk with DS about what to do if it kicks off. i’ll make sure hes got his phone n enough on his card or cash for a train. if she starts he knows to ring me no questions asked

thanks for makin me feel a bit more sane about this all x

"them" two?

We had a similar post to this a while back, I can't remember the outcome, it may have just fizzled out.

It's up to your son whether or not he goes, he can surely take care of himself. If it is not too far away, can come home if he is not happy.

He’s 17. He should be able to handle it. I wouldn’t have even asked my mum if I could go at that age. I’d have went on my own accord. Stop babying him