He left in December. I was slightly blindsided but we hadnt been getting on for ages so I don't blame him for that but I blame him for being so cold since. We have two kids 7 and 5. He has had them most weekends but he shouts at them a lot and is just mean. He is very cold to me. I say he should be more decent and respectful to me as I look after them children 24/7 bar his few hours a week. I don't really think he is too interested and just does his bit as duty. I have blocked him since last weekend when he dumped the kids stuff at my feet and ignored me. Today he called as he is off and said can I see them, I didn't really say no, but I was trying to say I don't like how you treat me and I don't like that the children feel upset with you. Example, my oldest plays up and he will say well you can go home if you like, which I find quite cruel as he is quite a sensitive lad. He cut me off and said ok my day is Saturday and ended the call. So it's not like he actually tries to see them or calm the situation or just generally be nice to me.
Anyway, I am struggling. I am so hurt. We was together 10 years. He can just shut off from us like we meant nothing. Part of me feels like he should fight a bit more to see them. If I say no, he will say fine. And leave it at that. I build myself back but as soon as I'm in touch with him I'm back wallowing. Its taken me a lot to try getting over this.
I just wonder how to deal with it. I have tried having no contact and just letting him pick the children but then we will need to discuss something and it turns into a fight and I just want to shut him out as he is so cruel and I struggle to with the children and my mental health and all the hurt and resentment but I don't want to stop him seeing them but then I just can't deal with how horrible he is to us and guess I just have to put up with it. Any wise words?