Can trust ever be rebuilt? Any tips.

[Anonforthisone1]

My d0 broke a few boundaries with an ex and also lied to me (he didn’t cheat) over the summer last year. It was a fairly new relationship but we have known each other for ages. I decided to stay and have been trying my hardest to forgive and rebuild trust but honestly I have been really struggling and now I worry that I come off controlling as I don’t want him to have anything to do with his ex and worry about him working away. I really want this relationship to work so am wondering if anyone has ever managed to find a way to rebuild trust.

Set yourself free from the stress and upset.

You have been trying for a long time to get over this…what steps has your other half taken to help rebuild the trust?!

He eventually did stop talking to this particular ex and is honest when tries to get in touch. He tries to reassure me that I know everything.

Why does it matter if he inserted a body part into someone else?
He was disloyal and disrespectful. Why is being in a new relationship a good reason to behave with no morals? Don't you want to be with someone who is decent?

It is a fairly new relationship. Move on.

Then why are you posting?

you know in your heart that this isn’t right.

Utter madness to continue with this

So he is talking to her or he isn’t?
why are you staying with him? When you say he didn’t cheat - what exactly did he do? Just talk or flirt…are there kids involved? Have you met the ex? Are there a few ex’s that he talks to? I think it’s a bit odd that you are still struggling a year after the event and it is a new relationship. You should be really enjoying it, not worrying over whether he is giving his attention elsewhere. He must be giving off some sort of vibe to still be worrying. Do you want this forever?

even though it is a relatively new relationship. We have known eachother since we were kids and honestly it was more of a case of never the right time between us. I know him. He is normally great and has been great but made some unbelievably stupid decisions last night.
They have no kids. I do.
i don’t want to go into loads of details incase people who know me of her are on here but it was more then talking . One example is the fact that shared a bed (nothing happened and I do believe him) behind my back when she came down to visit people as she moved far away when they Broke up. They had been broken up quite a while and we had been seeing other for a couple of months at that point.

The whole point of dating is to be able to get rid of people when they show us who they are in the very early days.

I once went out with someone I didn't know well but well enough through friends.

He was exactly the opposite in a relationship to the kind respectful man he was with his friends...

A boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse always sees another side to someone than everyone else does due to the nature of the relationship.

Tbh, I think it's one of the reasons why being friends with someone first doesn't help. People can be so different in a relationship and if you've known them as a friend first, it can mask all kinds of red flags.

Why have you got such low standards in a partner? If this sort of shit is happening now when the relationship is relatively new and fresh, goodness knows what it will be like in a few years. Get rid.

If you had not known him before would you put up with this? Probably not. If so you are better off as friends & not a couple. Let it go.

sounds like he still has a thing for his ex & his original friendship with you is blurring the lines between what is in a relationship.

Forgot to answet

no he doesn’t talk to her. He has completely stopped all contact. She still does try and message him occasionally though.

I've seen many relationships build back trust but it's the one who broke it who has to do the bulk of the work. They say trust is thrown out in bucket loads, re built back in droplets.
What is your partner doing to work on the trust? Saying sorry is lip service so is I'll never do it again. It takes hard work to change. Does he see it as a big deal?

I think you may have to spend some time really sitting in the fact you've protected the relationship and prioritised it. He has actively destroyed and eroded it. Not prioritising it. Sharing a bed with an ex regardless of if they slept together is a choice not to protect your relationship. Not to prioritise you and your feelings. He easily made that choice. He would need to do some serious work on why he was able to even end up in that situation and why he made those choices. I suspect he may say it wasn't a choice it just happened? So you've got someone who isn't accountable or aware/doesn't care of the impact their actions have.

It's a lot of work, time and stress for a early relationship. I'm sorry op you're going through this.

If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Once broken it is nigh on impossible to repair.

What do you want to teach your own children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

Be a priority, not an option. To him you are a mere option or fall back girl so concentrate your resources on your own self and kids in stead. Seek counselling for yourself too re self esteem; such men can knock that back big time and he has treated you very badly.

Thank you all

i do really want to keep trying which I know might sound really silly. I am currently in counselling due to many things including childhood trauma and also other relationship trauma. Like I also said this one just one example.

i really did think it would be stuff i could work on and get over but it is definitely harder then i thought.