Husband says I’m never happy to see him

[Musicmummy24]

Some advice for a new mum.
DD is 10mo.

• dh says I’m never happy to see him when he gets home from work
• i got upset that he feels like this as I’m so overwhelmed and overstimulated when he gets back from work and my response to this conversation is to shut down (I appreciate this is not helpful but it’s how I cope)
• he says it’s not about me and all he wanted was a hug and for me to say sorry he feels like this
• i said I don’t know how to move forward - I feel like I always have to ask him to do things but then again he is also helping a lot with childcare when I got to work so I feel like he does do a lot.

i am overwhelmed with parenting atm. I feel like it just gets harder and harder and I find it hard to even be a human, never mind a wife. he’s said he’s going for a walk and we’ve not spoken since.

i just don’t know what to do. I’m just an overstimulated mum who feels like I can never do anything right and I don’t know how to move forward.

any suggestions on how to move forward? 😢

How do you usually greet him? I totally get being overwhelmed and overstimulated.

Sounds like you're taking each other for granted which is understandable given that you're in the trenches.

Perhaps some effort by both of you to reconnect.

I think sitting down and having an honest conversation when you are both calm is a good idea. He tried to express to you something that was bothering him and you shut it down so I can see why he was upset. However, you shut it down because you were too stressed to handle it. I think I’d start by saying that I was sorry I shut down his feelings and that I never intended to do that. Id then explain why I reacted in that way. Then I think I’d start a conversation about what you both need in order to move forward and make this work for both of you.

Parenting is hard and this is a really really tough stage…but it does pass. It really does. Make sure you sit and think about what you need for yourself - an hour after he gets home to yourself? Some time at a class or hobby once a week? A catch up with a friend? Do you work or would you like to?
Ask your dh the same questions and see if you can find a balance together.

You will get your life back and feel like you eventually. 💐

I think op that's a hard stage as there is a lot going on, baby is more active which can be very tiring, you're back to work and adjusting to that, the days can feel really long and isolating at times and while I'm sure he's glad to get home to see you he needs to understand that seeing him is probably more the chance for a change of pace for you.

I think you need to meet halfway - he needs to think about what he's realistically expecting from you - it's not the 1950s where you're waiting at the door with a smile and a whiskey but equally if he's coming home from a full on day (albeit a different type of full on) and you're not taking him on or something then that's not great for him either to be fair. I think others are correct in asking how do you usually greet him? When me and stbxh were at the same stage I started making a point of taking ds to the door to say hello to daddy which was obviously nicer for him coming in and then he'd have taken ds for 20/30 minutes and given me a chance to have some down time or do something different that I couldn't do easily otherwise.

You're in the trenches as a couple at that stage and I do think it gets easier eventually. No parenting stage lasts forever. When was the last time you had a date night and went out just the two of you? I think it's really important to try and make even little bits of time for that so you're looking after each other as a couple as well as being mum/ dad.

I think you also need to sit down and discuss chores/responsibilities and being proactive with that and maybe even set an agreement of who does what.

Do you get any time in the week for yourself for a hobby or time with friends?

Sorry - OP, I missed that you work. How is work? Is this a job you enjoy? Are you full time or part time? Would you like the amount you work to change?