Bad friend during bereavement

[Summer259]

My partner’s mother passed away 3 days ago. A mutual friend is being very selfish. He was ok the first day but has now turned conversation back round to him. He has a neighbour dispute with a local business and is having issues with social services. All he has to do is sell up but is dragging his heels.

I had to explain again today that we are going through grief so don’t want to hear his problems right now. A mutual friend is shocked and said she will have a word. Yet he continued to message about his problem or turn it back round to him.

I was upset about my partner’s mum as she was a lovely woman. This guy don’t realise my partner is really upset and I have to provide emotional support to him and last night I spent 3 hours getting all her paperwork organised as the siblings will need to contact the organisations so I have made it easier for them.

Why are people so selfish, especially they can’t stop it during a bereavement.

This happened to me when my dad died, I had a friend come to my house to discuss issues she had at work that day (every day problems). I asked her to leave, explained I didn't have the brain capacity for it.

She claimed she was trying to take my mind off things, but I had so much to organise I couldn't take my mind off things, I couldn't switch off. If I stopped thinking about things then nothing would be done

Couple of days later, she done the same thing via txt. I told her I needed a break from the friendship as she wasn't getting the situation and it was too much.

We never did reconnect as people who are only out for themselves don't have the brain capacity to understand or respect boundary's.

Hope you and yours get through this difficult time. Also look at getting a tell us once pass for the GOVT they inform a lot of agencies at the same time (DWP, Pensions etc) saves a lot of calling around

Yep been there too.

Let's just say that there's stuff I will neither be able to forgive nor forget so I'm just trying to make peace with that fact instead.

So sorry for your loss OP 💐.

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. I have heard about the Tell Us Once but that’s helpful to know who they inform so thank you. I will just cut this insensitive idiot off for now. These people are insane.

Just ignore messages you don’t want to respond to. People tend to be pretty wrapped up in themselves, and can be a bit thoughtless and insensitive at times!

but their issues, even minor, may not seem minor to them in the moment and they’re probably just not thinking.

My friend told him I have enough on my plate. I said I can’t be taking on others people’s baggage right now but he keep bombarding me about the dispute. I said speak to someone else or get our friend to go to the meeting.

I said I can’t commit and putting timescales is pressuring as I need to help my partner sort the paperwork and there is the funeral and I don’t know when that will be.

He had the cheek to say why didn’t I say and I had already told him multiple times. I am keeping my distance now.