Having dreams of a new man

[ThisRedHiker]

My husband had a work opportunity to go abroad for some time, he has now been doing this for a few years. This new opportunity is on the other side of the world and I told him I didn’t want to do this anymore. I said to him clearly if he goes I feel like it will be the end for us. He said he will just do it a few more months to get a bit more money and that will be it (he has been saying that for years- it’s always only a few months). I feel like it will never end. Meanwhile I am working full time and taking care of the kids.

I recently joined a new gym and I have never seen men so attractive. They’re coming into my dreams where I seem to dream every night of being in a new relationship, that lovely feeling of a new relationship. It started already just before my husband left, before I joined the gym as a man was paying me a lot of attention, dancing sexy (in front of my husband- he enjoyed watching) and it felt so good. Since then I have just been craving more of that.

my husband is saying how it’s physically hurting him so much being away from us, but I feel nothing. I don’t miss him. I find the amount of work exhausting, but I don’t miss him. I wish he was there to take a load of me and help with the kids but I am not waiting for him to come back. He says he’s doing this for the family and it would break him if it caused us to get divorced. But he also said he would just stay abroad for ever and never come back so I would get zero help from him. I felt he was trying to intimidate me to stay with him with the expense of abandoning our children.

A few years ago when we lived together we were very close and I could have never imagined divorcing him, now I just resent him for going. When he’s back I find it annoying as I’m so used to having my space and doing what I want. He gets grumpy easily and brings down the mood. I like being active and don’t stop all day, he likes to sleep, clean and watch TV.

i feel like I am having these dreams because I feel like I don’t have a partner currently and I crave a deeper connection. I also feel like I’m not getting any younger.

I recently joined a new gym and I have never seen men so attractive.

This is a pretty normal reaction to the gym IMHO. I had a secret gym crush. He was the main reason I kept up the consistency of going. One day I made the mistake of smiling at him though and then it got a bit awkward as I realised it was just a crush.

The real question is what are you going to do re. long term with your DH?

He says from the beginning of next year he would look for work closer, potentially in the same country. So for me that still feels too far. I just want a normal family life where you are both home in the evenings. It annoys me that he doesn’t realise how much he is missing out and how it’s affecting the bond between him and our children. How will that affect our children long term? Why doesn’t he think about these things? I want him to wake up and realise he’s chasing money but what for? Just to pay more tax.

I think this life is working for him. He has a better life work balance than if he was over here. He has found nice hobbies and interests, that he would never have time for over here. He wants us to go with him but I don’t want to leave everything for him, again. As I have already done that.

it just doesn’t work for us (me and the children) He tries to make it seem like he will be around more when he’s back but last time I actually only saw him a day as we were both busy, he says it will be different next time but I feel like it’s just the same story on repeat. I don’t know how to make him understand I’m really fed up.

Aw he’s entrenched in his own little world and has forgotten he has the responsibility of a wife and children.
if you want him back you will have to offer him an ultimatum but tbh it sounds (sadly) that it’s run its course xx