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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I move past this?

12 replies

Flossydee · 27/05/2025 19:21

I literally can't speak to anyone about this but need to get it off my chest, please be kind!

Last week my phone was dead and I went on Pinterest on my husband's phone while I waiting for tea to cook. Went to the search bar and the last searches were all women's names but also some weird things like "e girl face" so I clicked one of the girls names out of curiosity. They looked about 17 (at the oldest). Clicked another one and they looked even younger (looked 16 but Google says they're 18). Mixture of actresses, you tubers etc but all very young looking 18 year olds, they literally looked about 15/16.

I slept on it and then the following evening asked him about it. He admitted straight away that when he was struggling with stress at work a year ago he started seeking out teen porn regularly (in addition to the Pinterest searches).

He was signed off work at this point with stress (if it was actually at that time as it was the most recent searches but he says he just hasn't used Pinterest for ages). If it was at that time I was back at work after maternity leave with a 11 month old baby, just getting over postnatal depression due to birth trauma and existing CPTSD and struggling with a new diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Which I think is one thing that's making it feel like more of a betrayal, as I was already feeling so awful at that time.

He's promised it was in the past and that he is ashamed by it and I know that category of porn is very popular but I just don't understand why he would want to look at girls that young without it being something more sinister? It's really effecting me and I feel physically sick thinking about it. It's also made my self esteem even lower due to me obviously not looking anything like the girls he is seeking out. I just can't see how I'm going to be able to have sex with him again without feeling horrendous for many reasons.

I'm busy during the day and feel like but when he gets home from work it hits me and I just don't want to look at him.
I don't even feel like I could talk to a therapist about it and definitely couldn't tell any friends yet.
I could just really do with venting and talking it through if anyone has any words of wisdom!

OP posts:
Ohrainyrainy · 27/05/2025 19:30

I know teen porn is one of the popular genres of porn and it's verging on paedophilia.
I wouldn't want to stay in a marriage with a man who watched porn and the fact he has an interest in very young girls is just so gross. I wouldn't want him.anywhere near my child.

BMW6 · 27/05/2025 19:33

I'm so sorry, it's so sleazy and you must be all over the place.

Don't make any rash decisions. I'd certainly want to sleep separately from him while you take all the time you need to process this and find where you are - give yourself a month at least. Don't hold back on telling him your feelings - he needs to hear them.

Could you talk to your GP? Samaritans? Keep talking on here?

Arrivederla · 27/05/2025 19:35

That must have been an awful thing to see. I really feel for you but I'm not sure I could get past this. 💐

Arrivederla · 27/05/2025 19:36

BMW6 · 27/05/2025 19:33

I'm so sorry, it's so sleazy and you must be all over the place.

Don't make any rash decisions. I'd certainly want to sleep separately from him while you take all the time you need to process this and find where you are - give yourself a month at least. Don't hold back on telling him your feelings - he needs to hear them.

Could you talk to your GP? Samaritans? Keep talking on here?

I agree with not rushing into making any decisions - give yourself a bit of time.

Anonforthis2121 · 27/05/2025 19:38

i am fine with porn but teen porn would be a dealbreaker for me.

how old is your dp

HenDoNot · 27/05/2025 19:38

Your DH fantasises about having sex with teenage girls that look aged 15/16.

Are you ok with that in any way?

If not then why do you need or want to move past it?

Wynter25 · 27/05/2025 19:42

I couldn't get past that. Hope you're okay x

Original poster
Flossydee · 27/05/2025 19:47

Thank you all, it feels good to have my feelings justified, I totally know that they are but not being able to talk to anyone about it hasn't helped. I just don't want anyone else to know at the moment. He's 40 this year.
I'm definitely not ok with it in any way so I don't see how I can move past it.
It's a massive shock, we have always had the most amazing relationship and this has just thrown me completely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flossydee · 27/05/2025 19:51

BMW6 · 27/05/2025 19:33

I'm so sorry, it's so sleazy and you must be all over the place.

Don't make any rash decisions. I'd certainly want to sleep separately from him while you take all the time you need to process this and find where you are - give yourself a month at least. Don't hold back on telling him your feelings - he needs to hear them.

Could you talk to your GP? Samaritans? Keep talking on here?

I think giving it a month is a good idea and will keep talking on here. Mentally I'm pretty strong at the moment so I can cope but will self refer for therapy if I need it as I can go downhill quickly.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 27/05/2025 19:51

The teen porn is bad enough but for him to say it's cos he was under stress is quite obviously utter bullshit 🙄

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/05/2025 20:24

Yuck, that’s awful, I’m so sorry. Take the time you need to process this and decide what you want to do. Teen porn would be a deal breaker for me tbh.

KaleQueen · 27/05/2025 20:52

That’s awful. Really disgustingly awful. I understand your horror at this. Stress is zero excuse. Signed off sick so more time to watch porn more likely. I have no advice sorry. Just solidarity with how you must be feeling. Don’t take any excuses. If you have son, will he be ogling the teenage girlfriends in 16 years time? If you have a daughter that’s even worse. I’m so sorry

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