Slow burn or just boring

[CM97]

So I’m in my 50’s and had a pretty rough time with dating over the last couple of years, coupled with the emotional struggles of children leaving home after 14 years as a single mum. 2 years ago I spent a year with a narcissist, had some therapy and healed and then dated someone For 6 months who had a strongly dismissive avoidant attachment style. Now I’ve met someone who, on paper, ticks all the boxes but it just feels a bit flat. We’ve been seeing each other for 3 months, kissed/hugged/held hands but nothing more - partly due to both of us still having children at home.

Tomorrow evening, my kids are away at their dads so he’s coming over. Not sure how I feel about it, as it’s the complete opposite from previous relationships.

On one hand this feels healthy, but maybe I’m kidding myself and there’s no spark?

Have you two got sexual chemistry? Do you fancy him? Is it more of a friendship vibe?

Good question… idk. I think I do, but not in the same way as previously… however it’s less intense/no love bombing.

Not in the same way as previously with other partners do you mean?

If you have to question whether you fancy him unfortunately I don't think this will go anywhere

When you say he ticks your boxes I'm guessing they fall under the category of "safe". Maybe you're not particularly attracted physically, but he's growing on you as time goes on? It's hard to tell because you seem unsure yourself. If you don't find someone sexually appealing and their company exciting at the start, you're probably not going to later on down the road.

You say your ex narcissistic relationship took therapy to process, maybe you're still doing that in some way. Could be you just don't wish to do so physically alone, who knows? I certainly think such a traumatic experience would affect how you vet future partners for your own safety, therapists go home after all. People tend to adopt a survival mindset long after dating narcissists. You'll be looking for stuff that doesn't feel right, seem a bit off. Perhaps you left some nativity behind with that chapter of your life and now just want to protect your emotions.

If you're uncomfortable about your planned date just fall back. A man worth knowing will absolutely understand. Have some time to yourself and honestly think things through. Deep down you'll find the answers.

"naivety"