Feeling Lonely despite being a 2 parent family !

[StarSparkle]

Hi there,

My partner and I have been together for almost 8 yrs and we have a beautiful 2 yr old daughter who we both dote on. I have no friends who have children and am the only one out of my siblings who is a parent.

My partner is not a socialable person, where i am. He prefers to do his own thing. He always has an excuse why he cant join family/freind gatherings (his or mine) and always has a problem with my friends.

I feel isolated and very lonely - my life consists of looking after my lovely girl and running the house. I have a degree , which i am proud of.

I often feel that i am a single parent as my partner can just go off and follow his hobbies !

Poor you
I too don't have many friends with children the same age as my DS (11mths), most people I know have children older so are doing different activities that my DS can't manage.

I have recently started going along to a mother and toddler group, which was very hard as I'm very shy, but realised that I had to do something because no one was going to do it for me!!
Once there I met another mother in the situation as myself and actually saw a few people I knew and got chatting. DS had a fantastic time also.

My DH works alot of long hours with early starts and is always exhausted at the end of the day, so is always reluctant to arrange going out in the evenings.

Do you friends you could get together with in the evenings whilst your DP bbsits??

Hi starsparkle - i'm in a similar position , i'm 27 with a dd the same age as yours. it's tough isn't it?

Like you, i have a degree but feel guilty about not using it, although i love being a SAHM. Have you tried taking dd along to any toddler groups/ play groups nearby?

Hey thanks for the feedback guys,

I do take her to a tumble tots class but the focus there is on the activities and the other mums rarely chat much to each other.

I had a look around and there are a few clubs, but not in walking distance - as i cant drive this is a bit annoying !

I too love being a SAHM and wouldn't have it any other way, however the only people in see day in or day out or my partner and my baby. I have no friends whio i can go and visit , and my best friend hs moved away and works anyway.

Like i say, no friends with children so a tad lonely at mo !
I guess i should start looking around for some more groups to go to !

Thanks again

i see from your profile you're in Surrey - i would say we should meet up as we're in such similar circumstances but unfortunately we're quite a long way away from you - in East London.

That is a bit of a trip ! Thanks for the thought

Hi star. nothing to say that you don't already know! i'm in the same position, hours from friends / family, love being SAHM but quite lonely. i'm trying to force myself to go to things but it is hard. is there any way you could start driving?
dh doesn't really understand because he is fine without friends + with people all day. i drive him mad by talking all evening!

I wuold like to start driving, but its so expensive ! Also don't trust my temper as got moody enough in the passerger seat ! Hee hee ! Yes - i also try to force myself out but find it diffcult as taking the first step to meet others in the same postion !

My partner seems content to do his own thing and not really worry what i want ! Im grumbling a bit too my here !

Me too. 28 with 2 yr old & no friends with kids. My DP works long hours 7 days per week & even when he is around we don't have any shared friends to meet with as he simply doesn't have the time to socialise!

I'm not a SAHM but when with DD I'm always out and about by myself with her & it feels so lonely! I know how you feel. I'm in Surrey too - not that it helps I guess but just wanted to let you know there are more of us out there!

Give the Mother & Toddler groups a go & once you have pushed through the pain barrier of the first few weeks you'll probably meet a few nice people to chat to.

Can't you get the driving sorted out? I know it is expensive, but it really is a life skill and a necessity these days.

Can you get out in the evening? What about a yoga/pilates/keep fit class or something? Language class? Reading group?

Is there a communication problem with your and your partner? Ideally, i think that relationships should be 30% you doing your own thing, 30% him doing his own thing, and 30% doing stuff together.

There must be loads going on- you need to try to be a bit more independent and try out a few things maybe in the evenings.

Thank you all for your suggesstions and support ! Most kind