Is your husband just as unsupportive as mine? Or am I being sensitive?

[LucyJane2024]

I find my HD to be so uncaring sometimes, but then I wonder if I’m just being overly sensitive? I’d love to know your opinion on the below scenario, it might sound insignificant, but this is a regular occurrence.

I recently needed to take our cats to the vet, my husband doesn’t normally go with me to things like this, so I didn’t expect him to come with me.. but I did ask if he could at least help me wrangle the cats into their carriers, which he wouldn’t.. so I manage both cats into their carriers (which was a fury fight) while he did nothing.

As I’m loading the cats into the car he says out of the blue “wait for me, I’m dropping you at the vets so I can take the car to the driving range”… I asked how I’m meant to get the cats back home… with which he replied “I don’t know, get an Uber?” I can see in the way he reacted that this hadn’t even crossed his mind as an issue.

I explained it’s a real inconvenience having to book an Uber when the cats are already stressed as it is.. but he got defensive and said he doesn’t understand my issue, I reacted by saying that’s a really selfish thing to do, but he just doesn’t get my point.. am I wrong here?

Of course if I needed to, I could get an Uber home, however the point is he doesn’t realise that by taking the car and leaving me to sort my own way home with two cats makes me feel unsupported - even more than I already do.

Why can’t he get an Uber to the driving range?

I personally wouldn't think it stressful to the cats to get an Uber. You just wait in the vets office then take them. They won't know the difference between that and your own car. They'll just want to get home! So that part wouldn't be an issue for me.

He should definitely have helped put them in the carriers though. I know for mine it's a very difficult job. I'm not capable of it on my own at all. So for that he is very unreasonable.

He can get an uber to the driving range.

Yanbu.

Why is it always men who either cycle or play golf who prioritise these things over literally everything, including their wife? What is it about these hobbies that attracts such wankers? Enquiring minds truly want to know.

Flippancy aside your husband sounds like a nob. I'm sure some people will be along to tell you you're being ridiculous and making a fuss about nothing without recognising that this is probably one instance in a long line of behaviours where he consistently makes you feel like you're the absolute bottom of his priority list.

And to answer your title question no, because I would have left him if he were. I need a partner, not a child with a set of golf clubs.

I would not be getting an Uber or taxi home from the vets with 2 cats, it would be an issue for me and I think your husband is being very unreasonable.

Which was booked first? If it's the cats, he gets the uber.

We always take our cats together as we can’t park outside the vet and they’re too heavy for me to carry any distance. And yes, it takes both of us to get them into the carriers, he’s a dick to just watch you struggle with that.

I don’t think it’s an issue to get an uber from the vet but as you have first dibs on the car, he gets an Uber.

He is an absolute dick, clearly. And I imagine there are plenty of other instances of him being a dick if you're questioning your own judgment of him like this.

Did he take you and the cat home, or play golf?

Someone who’ll sit and watch you struggle with ANY task isn’t a supportive partner. It’s really as simple as that.

He was a dickhead

He’s an unsupportive wanker. I really hope you drove off without him.

He is inconsiderate for not helping with the cats. The fact that he was not bothered how you and the cats get home would be an issue for me. Selfish. Not being a cat owner, I can't see how being in an Uber would be more stressful. Wouldn't you be able to.concentrare on calming them down instead of having to drive?

don’t marry him, don’t have kids with him.

oh balls. I miss read your op as ‘husband to be’ not that you have found your husband to be a nob! Okay well you are married, but don’t have kids….unless you want to be the default parent and doing 99.9% of all that entails.

This. He's an inconsiderate tool and no, my DP doesn't behave like this because a/ he's a really nice guy and b/ if he did, I wouldn't tolerate it

You are not being unreasonable, he is being a selfish, self absorbed, arrogant twat.
Transporting one stressed cat, in a carrier, from the vets to home in an Uber would be stressful enough, but two would be even more so. I can't understand why anyone would think it wouldn't be a problem, unless they are not pet owners. Carrying a cat in a carrier is not like carrying an inanimate object like a suitcase and I am always nearly as stressed as my animals after a visit to the vets, I just want to get them home ASAP, not sit in the waiting room for even longer, waiting for an Uber to turn up.
Your husband was being jaw droppingly selfish and inconsiderate in my view. Does he generally treat you like a servant or an afterthought?

He doesn’t sound pleasant. How is his behaviour otherwise? Always unsupportive and selfish?

Are they your cats, OP? If they’re effectively your pets, I can understand him not wanting to get involved in the wrangling and the fury, and it’s fair that their welfare is your responsibility. The uber thing is not a big deal if he already needed the car.

BUT … if they’re family/joint pets, there’s no excuse for him not to help you with their care. And if he’s decided on a whim to take the car off you when you’re already obviously stressed, then he’s at best insensitive and at worst a massive dick.

Either way, it sounds like he has form for being selfish and you sound ground down by it. If this is a regular dynamic between you, you need to address it. It’s not about nutting out the rights and wrongs of all these minor interactions, it’s about the cumulative effect of feeling unheard and unsupported. If you’re always struggling alone, what’s the point of a partnership? You need to make him realise how unhappy this is making you, and how critical to your joint future it is to make some changes. His response to that will tell you everything you need to know.

I may not win any husband of the year awards. But there is no chance I'd do that and if a friend of mine did I'd pull them up on it.

Oh im so sorry op.
Nope mine wouldn't dream of doing that. When we have to take the cats to the vets he will re arrange his work day so that we can tackle it together. We fully share responsibility of all pets regardless if they were previous to the relationship or not.

You are not wrong he's a real wanker.

I bet he's one of those who'll do anything for others though, especially a damsel in distress.

YANBU. I can't imagine DH behaving like this.

He’s a tit. If you needed the car to take the cats to the vet, that takes priority. Plus, you booked the car first. His hobby comes after. Why can’t he take an Uber?!

He sounds thoughtless and clueless.