My husband is so cold

[Luluissleeping]

He is doing some work. I asked him a question and he ignored me. I said something else and I got "I'm busy." This happens a lot. Often when I say something I get absolutely no response, no reaction.
He likes to tease me and make me the butt of his jokes. Many times I have challenged him. He did stop for a while. He is home all week this week. He is so demanding, asking me questions so it would be me to use my brain power to answer and not his.
He is constantly offloading on me and has long rants about what is on his mind. I find it all exhausting. He never used to be like this. In the 20 years I have been with him, in the last few years I have developed ibs and psoriasis. There are a few other things not violent that he does. I am taking early pensions. We have complicated financial ties. What would you do?

Leave him and get good financial and legal advice. Not necessarily in that order.

I would seek legal and financial advice, and then start the leaving process. You may find that your health issues clear up once you are relieved of the stress it sounds as though you are under.
I think that being alone would be better than being in the relationship that you describe, hard though that may be to contemplate. Wishing you all the best for the future.

What work is he doing and what were you asking him.

He's becoming a miserable old man and he isn't going to get any better. I should start making plans to divorce. Personally I'd rather be on my own than live like this.

Sort your finances out, do it slowly so you get it done properly and make a plan to leave. Doesn't have to be in the near future but you really don't want to be with someone like this for the rest of your life, do you?

He apologised. I waver left and right about pulling the plug. We have dc who will go through exams for the next few years. Usually I am ok as he is mostly out (high earner) and is not always like this. I am changed since menopause and no longer take the flack. I am not perfect myself, though.
Maybe my post was just an in the moment rant. I am constipated and we are due on holiday tomorrow (2 hours away). A few times I have spoken to him about how his offloading etc makes my anxiety and ibs worse. He does take on board what I say and I pull him up every time I feel he has not treated me well. He is normally contrite.

He was doing work for his job. I did not realise at first and asked him a trivial question.

What an awful way to live your life - being your DH's whipping boy and yo-yoing about whether to stay in a crap marriage.

Are you retired and he's working from home?

I am not retired yet. I work part time. He does work from home for the odd hour or two but mainly on site. His offloading onto me and lack of reaction when I speak to him, plus some rudeness to me at times is a problem. I understand this is all subjective. I don't look forward to him being at home for days at a time. I don't want to go on holiday because of my health problems and the planning/mental load involved.