Dating whilst kids are at school

[SprinkleAndSparkle]

Have any lone parents dated entirely whilst their kids are at school? If so how does it work? How do you progress? It’s been suggested to me a few times now that I can date whilst my kids are at school but how does it work long term? I can see how it would work for the first few dates but not moving forward and can’t see many men up for this long term. So has anyone actually dated this way as I have seen it suggested a lot so anyone with direct experience? How did it work for you? (No babysitters, no family or no ex)

Your only answer my be find shift workers that have time off during the week. Either that or night shift workers with time off afternoon's.
That may assist the quest to find someone.

I did this for a few years but wasn’t looking for a relationship; I worked shifts and dated a variety of arty/music types, doctors, CEO’s who could block out an afternoon etc. I don’t think it would work long term?! Sitters.com or similar could help; you could definitely meet at first for coffee or lunch on people’s break time to filter out who is worth paying a sitter for!

Yeah I’m definitely not looking for causal if I was I probably wouldn’t wouldnt even ask if it was possible as I’m sure there are plenty of men up for it 🤣🫣

Maybe you need to work on your social network more than you need to date?

I mean, blokes come and go, but have more connections with your local community and a wider social circle will stand you in good stead for advice & recommendations for lots of things, not just babysitting. Surely you know some other mums?

Building your network might also enable you to meet a potential partner through those connections.

What everyone else says. It won’t work for a LTR. People want someone they can hang out with in the evenings,/ weekends and do stuff with. That’s a relationship.

You can maybe have a FWB arrangement during school hours but that’s it.

Unless you can find a single dad in the same situation as you! Thats your best bet!

I would have thought there are loads of ‘hobby men’ who are perfectly happy not hanging out at the weekend tbf!

Hobby men have to work during the week to buy their expensive wotsits and doodleflips.

A shiftworker who polishes his vintage car at the weekends, I suppose.

I met my husband when he was a shift worker we had lots of day dates and afternoons together. That might work for you.
If you was a mum at my child's school I'd happily babysit for you might be worth a shot asking anyone? Any other parents at school/nursery that maybe would swap a daytime play date for a evening babysitting.

It must be so hard op. I would be in the same situation if I divorced as I have no family or friends my youngest is 3 so it would be a long wait till they were old enough to be left alone.

Yeah I do but they don’t use random babysitters only family I really don’t know anyone that uses a paid for sitter most have reliable family unlike me sadly!

No unfortunately not I’m not “in” with the school mums well ive come to the conclusion it’s not possible just thought I would see if anyone had actually managed it and seems not

you don't have to be in with the school mums

but you can ask around, is there someone with a 14 yr+ (girl) looking for extra cash, whom you can get the mobile number of and of her parent(s)?

That sort of thing.

Try and look at this at a different way, looking into what you are offering not looking out.

You are saying you want a relationship, not casual, but with someone who you only see part time during school hours, during term time in the week. That's what you are offering for a "relationship".

Would you date you OP?

You are a single mum with two kids, so if the relationship progressed they would be taking on you and your kids eventually.

When I was single my not to be crossed line was "no kids" - I wanted my/our experience of first baby to be ours. I was late 20s then so age makes a difference, if you are desiring men 40s+ it's more usual that they will have formed or you will have formed a relationship that has been settled enough to have children in.

That is not to say there is no hope. There are men out in the real world who are all shades and if the time right now is all you can offer, and they are into you enough, and you can navigate the situation to become something more solid and intertwined then it's not impossible.

You put your children and their safety and emotional ties first, they are all good qualities, but if there isn't space for an independent relationship to blossom you might have to wait until you and your children are in that space. It won't be forever, until the oldest is 14 or so. If you are not willing to get a babysitter, or their dad isn't every other weekend, or your time available is just very limited basically you may have to be the patient one and wait it out. Or wait until you meet someone who blows you away and you blow him away and the sacrifices are worth it.

My oldest is secondary age but I personally wouldnt leave a 14 year old to babysit maybe that’s just me (he’s a bit younger) it wouldnt be day time dates forever just until I was ready to introduce them.

Yes I did this with a guy who worked nights. We had lots of lovely day time dates. It didn’t work long term as he was an every other weekend dad and seemed to be looking for someone to entertain his kids and I wasn’t up for blending family especially so soon but it is possible, give it a try most first dates are best as a day time coffee meet up anyway x

Which is all fine

but you are creating a list of things a potential partner has to accept without wanting to be flexible yourself

think about it another way the men, age circumstance, you want to attract, in their shoes would you date you? As you are, with what you are suggesting? All it takes is someone working mon-fri daytime, they are out, men who don’t want to accommodate children, they are out.

there has to be give and take always in a successful relationship

your criteria isn’t impossible OP but it’s very hard to fulfil, so yes if you are fantastically attractive, interesting full of adventure, yes your limitations can be overlooked, if you are average, want to go to a local cinema, perhaps a walk in the woods, your pool of men willing to accommodate that is small.

we all have to be brutally honest with ourselves dating it’s harsh or can be

so looking from the outside, two kids, minimal time to date would you date you?

I’m not in the exact same situation as you as my children are with their Dad every other weekend (for 2 nights) but it is a challenge nevertheless.

I haven’t actually experienced problems finding men who are willing to date me, I’m pretty quick to weed out the obvious shaggers who are just after one thing, and due to my limited time to date I’m not willing to throw caution the wind and date just anyone, even though I accept it’s a numbers game.

I will say that dating men with children is easier for me, simply because they seem to understand the challenges with things like finding childcare/children falling poorly at last moment etc. The amount of times I’ve had men who don’t have children expecting me to be able to be available for a date with 3 hours notice is wild! 😜

I did meet someone through work (we had worked together a very long time) which helped because I felt trusting to have him in my home when the children were in bed, sooner than I would have done if I didn’t know him the way I did, we split for other reasons.

What I would say is that I’ve reached a point that because my “me time” without the children feels so scarce, I am just not sure I want to spend it dating, and I’m finding spending time with friends or doing things for myself, more enjoyable and fulfilling.

I love the idea of meeting someone, but I’m not sure if it’s realistically going to happen anytime soon.

Of course, DCs father doesn’t have the same problem and has ample time to date and have multiple women on the go..

Yeah that’s completely different though every other weekend to yourself is pretty good going I wouldn’t imagine you would struggle to find anyone in that situation it’s more the never getting any nights to yourself 😩

No I wouldn’t date me if I wasn’t in this situation.

It can be hard dating somone even when DC regularly go to their dad’s tbh.

You say it would be only daytime dates till you were ready to introduce them but if the guy comes over, you are going to have to juggle getting the DC to bed while trying to see the guy. Plus the guy is likely to want to go out with you not just stay in all the time.

As others have said, a Dad would be more understanding of your limited time but then that will limit the time they can spend with you due to spending time with their DC. You can’t guarentee you’ll all be able to spend time together down the line as the DC might not get on.

So whilst it isn’t impossible, I think it would be challenging & you’d have to find someone you want to date AND is happy with your situation which might be difficult. It could be worth a try as long as you are realistic about it.

Yes I imagine it is hard either way but the added restriction of day time only dates just seems a different story as I cant see many men being fine never spending a night with you for the foreseeable future, even if they do come over that’s no date nights, no weekends away, etc

Well, lots of people do. As I see it, you have three options:

A)Find a paid babysitter. Ask on your local Facebook page which teenagers are doing babysitting at the moment- some may even come with recommendations.

B) Introduce a new man to your DCs way, way too soon. Would not recommend. Any man who wants a relationship is going to want to spend increasing amounts of time with you, and lunchtimes aren't going to cut it for very long.

C) Stay single until they're teenagers.

Pick the least worst of those three.

It's entirely possible to have first dates in the daytime. And second, and third....But eventually if things progress they're going to want to see you at other times.

Beware of men who want to meet the DC too soon. I've had several men do this, and I haven't suspected paedo intentions from them, more that they're keen to progress a relationship, so they want to rush the "meeting the kids" milestone without really giving enough thought to what's best for my DC.

To my mind, 14 is the age at which an older child can be reasonably expected to babysit under normal circumstances. We reached that point last year, and I started with me going out for a couple of hours to the village film night just down the road etc. I'm now at the point of going to gigs etc quite a drive away (he's 15.5 now, and his brother's about to turn 10).

No more dates, because after years of dating I finally met a man who I felt I could introduce to the DC after 6 months, and they loved him. Then we split up, and the boys are upset, and it would be inappropriate for me to elaborate on his absolute twattery to them. And after that, I feel that I'm done.

If your oldest is 14, it's possible that they will indignantly protest if you try and impose a babysitter on them anyway. We had a year or two of "I can't BELIEVE you're having Elsie (2 years older) in our house! I know her from the school bus and I HATE her!" 😆

He is not yet 14 but I wouldn’t leave him to babysit anyway as they dont get on and argue.

I use Bubble and select only DBS vetted babysitters and only once kids are asleep. I wouldn't leave them with a stranger while awake and I stay local with their monitors visible on my phone.