Partner hit 58 and has changed

[FracturedFairyTale]

Hi Everyone,
Im 64 F and my Partner of 13 years has changed dramatically since he turned 58.
I have retired and he's semi retired and we've just moved to the country for a quiet life.
But he's changed so much in the past year.
He no longer sees the problem of leaving the toilet seat up, he constantly misses the toilet and just doesnt care.
His showering has changed from night to morning even though hes been working hard on the farm all day, sometimes choosing not to take a shower at all.
Just recently Ive noticed that he'll now ask if I can call the Doctor or Dentist to make appointments, call the old neighbour to see if we have mail or packages delivered to the old address or search online for prices for sheds,garages,fences etc even though he sits right beside me on his phone.
He also has started to mumble. I thought it might be my hearing, but noticed he mumbles and talks to himself a lot.
He also has become very angry and its like his a victim when problems arise.
When his phone goes flat, he complains and acts usless that he cant use his phone, but wont charge it himself and will ask me to do it.
His driving has also become dangerous to the extent of doing 70 in 100 zone, then quite frequently unsafely turn in front of oncoming traffic or takes unnecessary risks.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what might be going on? Is it normal for men to do this as they age?
Both his parents had dementia in their 80's and Im just a bit worried that this could just be the start.

I'm afraid that sounds like he has the start of dementia.

I think you should discuss it with his doctor, or your own.

You need to stop him driving before he kills someone or himself.
but yes sadly it sounds like the start of dementia.

Hide his keys and get him checked out.

You moved to the country and taken on a farm?
he’s working part time , semi retired and long days on the farm? Is he semi retired or exhausted ?
70 in. 100 zone - guess that’s not uk then? That’s like doing the same speed as many lorrys on a motorway?
Perhaps he’s struggling with the shift ? Perhaps he thinks you should do more since he is still working ? Perhaps he is depressed

He sounds dangerous on the road. Can you get him to a gp? Sounds neurological to me.

Its not an actual farm, just 10 acres of garden that i tend to.
He likes to get on the tractor to slash the lawn.
Tonight he got upset that i didnt call his brother to pass on a message for him. I never call his brother and my husband had his phone. I felt bad, so yes i did message the bro inlaw for him.
I want to assist him any way i can as if it is medical, then im here for him for the long haul.

Similar symptoms in my mother did turn out to be dementia. You won't know what's going on unless you get him to a GP to get it checked.

I assume you mean 100 in a 70 zone.

Could easily be depression brought on by the change in lifestyle.

Could you bring it all up with him from the perspective of “I see changes in you that make me think you’re not happy. How are you feeling?”

You have to stop him driving. He’s not safe and could kill himself or someone else.

It does sound like the start of dementia. Sadly.

I agree with the others. This could be the beginning of dementia or it could be caused by some other medical issue. See if you can get him to the GP for a big checkup.

I recently was given a chest X ray for one reason and they accidentally discovered a huge growth that they had never suspected. So push for all the tests you can as it could be lots of things. Hopefully something reversible.

He needs to see his GP to rule out health issues. It's not uncommon for people to fall victim to the less you have to do the less you want to do mindset. It's also not unusual for people to be disorientated by major life change and struggle to find their way in their new routine. Or indeed for middle aged men to lose energy, motivation and become grumpy. However, the speech changes, confusion and decline in competence around well known tasks is concerning.

It sounds like a medical issue and you really need to get him to seek out a doctor for advice. My dear grandfather started out with issues exactly these in his late 50s and it turned out to be Parkinson's. Dangerous driving was due to his coordination slowing down; missing the toilet seat became common due to tremors; he was also mumbling, because Parkinson's causes overactive saliva glands so he didn't want to open his mouth too much as he was embarrassed in case he dribbled.

As a family we kept expressing our concerns but it took him about 5 years to admit he had an issue and to go to a doctor. Once he finally got the diagnosis it had developed quite significantly; he lived another 10 years but declined rapidly in that time. The earlier you can get a diagnosis the quicker intervention can be given to improve his quality of life and slow down the progression of whatever it is he may have. I understand men can be reluctant to seek help but OP, please do push him on this.

Thats so sad.
Its been so hard to get him to the Doctors at the best of times.
His BP in the past has been 210/180. I wanted to call an ambulance but he took my phone off me.
I starteda little game with him in the mornings, where we would take each others BP to see who would "win". I sneakly would take note of his BP daily, then contacted his Doctor to let him know. On the next visit, the Doctor checked him thoroughly and put him on BP tablets.
I'm noting everything down so I can see if there are any further changes to his behaviour, so I can keep his Doctor updated.
Thankyou everyone for all of your comments and suggestions.
Its very much appreciated xx

I am so sorry this is happening to you both. I hope you can find a fixable cause or at least some real world support.

Sounds like my father in law.
Turned out to be dementia..
He's needs checking.
Sorry if it is.
Sending love.

Ha!

Well yes it could be a medical thing. More likely Grumpy Old Bastard syndrome who's lost his sense of purpose and identity since retiring. Very common!

I’d have a very frank discussion and explain the things you won’t tolerate.

This is so unhelpful and exactly why men's health issues are less likely to be dealt with.

Agree with the poster above. “Grumpy old bastard “ is a terrible thing to say about someone’s hysband.

Sounds like depression and lack of purpose.
If he is anything like mine he won't visit the GP or take care of his health.