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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gathering the courage and certainty to leave

5 replies

boniver · 25/05/2025 23:39

I've been reading other people's threads on number for a while trying to make sense of my own relationship... I've had my second child with a partner who I already separated with once for being emotionally and physically abusive. Things were good for a while after getting back together and we decided to have a second child. We always framed huge arguments as 'we're doing better than we used to'. However, the yelling and the lack of support has gone back through the roof having had another child. The partner didn't visit me in hospital, yelled at my mother, and blames me whenever i bring something up to him that i have an issue with - no matter how carefully i try to broach an issue, a hint of criticism sets him off. He has smacked our toddler round the head and today pulled him from the car by his arm and locked him in his room because the toddler didn't get out straight away when he was told to. I already know this isn't normal but the difficulty is that I have hope it will be better when we're further from the birth. However, my partner isn't doing much to look after the two kids so it doesn't add up that he's stressed by the new addition. I'm just coming round to the idea that this isn't going to get better and i'm going to have to uproot my whole life and put myself in a really difficult situation with money and housing to protect my kids, especially my oldest. My home is not a safe space for me so when i go to my friends houses i break down sobbing.

I guess I'm just reaching out for support in this brief snippet of what's going on, to help me realise that it's not ok and help me build the courage and certainty to make an exit plan.

OP posts:
DandelionPockets · 25/05/2025 23:45

You know it's not ok, you and your children deserve better.

Make a plan to leave and stay safe.

tsmainsqueeze · 25/05/2025 23:50

He hit your child on the head , he is a dangerous man, can you speak to the police without him knowing ?
The fact he did this horrific thing may be the key to getting him out of your life , it could actually be taken out of your hands because they may not let him live in the same house as the children.
You can't change him but you can change the future for the better for your children , yes it's probably going to be hard at first but eventually you will live a new life free from this violent bastard , if you don't act he may kill you ,you owe it to them to give them the best life you possibly can .

JadedVeryJaded · 25/05/2025 23:54

Get your children away from this violent thug immediately, for goodness sake.

CC222 · 25/05/2025 23:58

Speak to womens aid for practical support. Speak to your loved ones also, saying it out loud will help reaffirm it and people may be able to suggest things that will help.
You must leave. He is not capable of protecting his kids so you have to be the one to do this. Before this toxic abusive home impacts them for life…
You can and will get through this. Trust me. You will cope much better alone out of this abusive environment than you are now. Make your escape plan and stick to it, there is no other option as things will only get worse.

Italiangreyhound · 26/05/2025 00:02

I'm so sorry that you are in this awful situation.

You are the adult here and you can get your children away from this man. You need to work out where you will live etc and it may be right for him to move out, you need some urgent advice from the police and/or a solicitor.

"He has smacked our toddler round the head and today pulled him from the car by his arm and locked him in his room"

This is not OK, you know this.

Please get some advice from a solicitor and know your rights. You must protect your kids.

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