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Original poster

Casual fling

12 replies

Snaps46 · 25/05/2025 23:21

Didn't know where to put this thread so I'm sorry if it's too much information, and I'm not comfortable discussing this to anyone I know personally.
I was speaking to a guy, got to know him over a few months and we ended up having sex. It was going good until his pen* went in my a*. I genuinely don't know if it was deliberate or an accident. I pulled away and said it went up there, made it clear it hurt me and he said it was an accident and apologised but didn't give me much time to comprehend what happened before carrying on vaginally. It felt 'rammed' in but I'm so confused, it may have been a mis slip or inexperience on his part. I wish I got out of the situation in hindsight.
I've felt awful since it happened, it hurts, I cry thinking about it and it's really getting to me and the not knowing if it was accident or not. It's been a 3 days since this happened and I just needed to get it out

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 25/05/2025 23:36

I don't like the sound of this man and I hope you're not going to see him again. His reaction does show to me that it was deliberate rather than accidental. Awful awful man.

Original poster
Snaps46 · 25/05/2025 23:41

healthybychristmas · 25/05/2025 23:36

I don't like the sound of this man and I hope you're not going to see him again. His reaction does show to me that it was deliberate rather than accidental. Awful awful man.

I have no plans to see him again. He messaged to see how I was doing but I couldn't deal with replying

OP posts:
NamechangeJunebaby · 26/05/2025 00:55

Did he change condom in between anus and vagina? If not please go a get tested for infections, there’s too many nasty bugs can be spread from your back end.

It’s a horrible thing to happen when you haven’t pre agreed to it - I’m never sure how men can say they didn’t realise which bit they were entering. Do some men just not think a woman will say anything and they’re in now and they’ll just keep going (I know of at least one man who did this - to me - many years ago and recognise now that it was an assault because he was quite rough and ignored the fact that I was upset and asking him to stop).

How do you feel about what happened OP?

NamechangeJunebaby · 26/05/2025 01:00

Just to add when they forcefully do that it can cause micro tears as the skin is very thin - and they can take a long time to heal (maybe it’s worth popping to see your GP, or attending a clinic, just to make sure it all looks okay?),

Im sorry this has happened to you. I’ve re read your first post and I suspect he knew exactly what he was doing.

Original poster
Snaps46 · 26/05/2025 01:10

NamechangeJunebaby · 26/05/2025 00:55

Did he change condom in between anus and vagina? If not please go a get tested for infections, there’s too many nasty bugs can be spread from your back end.

It’s a horrible thing to happen when you haven’t pre agreed to it - I’m never sure how men can say they didn’t realise which bit they were entering. Do some men just not think a woman will say anything and they’re in now and they’ll just keep going (I know of at least one man who did this - to me - many years ago and recognise now that it was an assault because he was quite rough and ignored the fact that I was upset and asking him to stop).

How do you feel about what happened OP?

He did change it, as he was apologising said he didn't notice it went there. I was lying on my front with him over me so couldn't pull away very quick and I guess this is what's making me confused, I'm sure he would have saw which hole was which, and I'm very clear there's a no go anal boundary. I'm just so confused and feel like shit

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 26/05/2025 01:55

It doesn't sound like an accident. It might help to discuss what happened with a professional at Rape Crisis.

Namechangeforthisssss · 26/05/2025 02:35

I'm putting a trigger warning on my reply just in case for anyone.

I'm really sorry you've been through this! I was seeing a man not long ago and he really wanted to do anal. It wasn't exactly something I was really interested in but thought I'd give it a go. He literally pushed it in and I was in so much pain. Was only an inch or so but still. I bled for a few days after. Not gushing but only tiny. I was too scared to go to the toilet, I eventually went after 2 days. I was in that much pain. It terrified me but I'm so glad I'm not seeing him anymore. There were other reasons why I stopped seeing him but the anal thing was one reason why I stopped as he pressured me into it. Told me it's the thing women should give to guys. I haven't told anyone in real life. I'm too embarrassed.

TwistedWonder · 26/05/2025 09:29

It wasn’t an accident. No man gets confused between your vagina and your arse. He did it deliberately hoping you’d let him carry on.

Original poster
Snaps46 · 26/05/2025 16:06

I don't know what to think, wouldn't want to tarnish him if it was accident and as I said if he was inexperienced and poking aimlessly. I do feel violated though

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 26/05/2025 16:15

You feel how you feel.. someone penetrated you without consent. It doesn’t matter if you consented to vaginal sex you did not consent to anal sex. you may never be sure if it was intentional or not, although personally I think gut feelings are always correct. Please call rape crisis and talk to someone… it was not your fault and you need to talk this through. Big hugs op

Sassybooklover · 26/05/2025 16:18

I had it happen to me many many years ago, when I was much younger. He was older than me, definitely more experienced and we hadn't discussed it beforehand. I didn't know what to do, it hurt and I froze up completely. It was clearly not an accident in my situation, and he didn't apologise. I didn't see him again. I would find it hard to believe a man can't tell the difference between a vagina and a butt hole. Penetration, would feel more difficult, less lubrication and much tighter. To say it was an 'accident' in my mind is a cope out. You have every right to feel violated, because that's exactly what's happened. It may be worth visiting your GP for a checkup to make sure nothing has been injured.

Original poster
Snaps46 · 26/05/2025 17:07

Yeah I will get checked out

OP posts:
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