Relationship issues

[tiredmummm]

hi all, my partner told me today that he is tired of not getting any sex/ oral.
since having my baby back in 2019 ( my birth was traumatic) my health has deteriorated badly leaving me with chronic back pain and sciatica.
My mental health has also suffered.
unfortunately, I didn’t have a support system when my son was born despite my partners family living very close to us ( my family doesn’t live in the uk).
I found myself doing a lot of things by myself ( cleaning, cooking, shopping etc).
My partner was helping as much as he should have and he always said that I should ask him to do stuff or tell him what needs to be done.
That has created a lot of resentment towards him.
Our relationship hasn’t been great since having our child.
Because of my health issues and the depression I was going through my sex drive was and is none existent.
I tried going to the doctors and still am to find out the cause for my pain but they can’t find where it’s coming from.
I have tried voicing my issues and concerns to my partner but he isn’t very understanding.
Whenever I say no to sex he gets in one of his moods and his energy changes towards me.
I can’t ask for a cuddle or a kiss from him as he always wants it to turn sexual and I don’t want that.
Today while I was cleaning, he came over to me and started touching my body and asked me for oral sex ( while our son was upstairs playing) and I said I don’t want to do that because I simply feel uncomfortable doing stuff like this while our son is awake.
His energy changed and he told me he didn’t want anything from me anymore.
Then he proceeded to say that I’ve had 6 years to adjust after having a baby and if I was unhappy with myself and the way my body looked I should of took accountability for that and done something about it.
I understand that maybe I could have gone to the gym or done home workouts, but unfortunately my mental health and physical health has stopped me from doing so.
I tried explaining to him that every time we have sex I am in pain and it makes it not enjoyable for me.
He also said to keep him happy I should be giving him oral sex everyday.
Unfortunately I am one of those women that having a child has affected in a deeper way and I’m struggling to find myself again and his criticism and constantly blaming things on me doesn’t help.
Please be kind as I don’t know what to do but in my eyes I think I would be better off by myself. Thank you

He also said to keep him happy I should be giving him oral sex everyday.

Sure you should 🙄

He seems to have you confused with a sex doll.

I'm really sorry to hear about your back pain, depression and sexual pain.

The sexual pain could be related to the back or vaginitis, vaginismus or even giving birth. It would be an idea to get it checked out.

You need to have a conversation with your partner, explain that sex is off the table, he isn't entitled to unlimited oral and he needs to be more supportive until you're feeling better.

He is just not very understanding and he told me I should have adjusted as it’s almost been 6 years since I’ve had my son. Him constantly getting in the mood because I can’t have sex is also very off putting and makes me not want to do it even more. I just don’t know how to deal with this.
I told him today, that he could never put myself in my shoes and go through what I went through ( and still going through) and his response was “yeah I can’t because I’m a man and you’re a woman so just deal with it”

I just don’t know how to deal with it

Have a conversation with him and try and discuss it. I'm sure there's more going on than this.

If he won't talk or starts insulting you, there's not much you can do. You can't resolve anything in a relationship without communication.

If he ignores you or is angry when you refuse him, that's abusive. The silent treatment is emotional abuse and you may feel pressured by his anger to do things you don't want to do.

I don't think you should ever feel pressured into a sexual situation that you don't want to be in.
See what else there might be our there to try and focus on making yourself feel better and removing any pain as this will generally just be good for you.
Have your tried therapy to look at ways you can move forward and deal with what led you to where you are?

It's a really tricky scenario and from what I learned in marriage counselling, people in relationships and marriages have certain criteria that are important and when those aren't being met it becomes difficult.
The reality is that you need to understand if this is vital for him. If it is, you need to identify if you can get to a place that you can provide a physical connection, or if you feel you will never be able to give it to him. It may then mean you have to have a serious conversation about what comes next.