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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Miscommunication with friends

16 replies

MeliaBello · 25/05/2025 18:25

Had a lovely weekend with some friends albeit a little intense. We are very close and shared a room, spending a couple days together at a fancy hotel and using the facilities together. We have already planned to return.

i had mentioned I would need to get back slightly earlier than them and was stressed about some tasks I had to do back home. When it came to packing up for my train, I did a quick scout around looking for them but couldn’t spot them - I messaged thanking them for a lovely weekend but said I needed to head back and would see them very soon.

we ran into each other at reception and they both looked at me very disapprovingly and scolded me a bit for “just running off like that” - i apologised, said I was a little stressed and had tried to find them and mentioned we potentially had plans to meet the next day. One of the friends who I semi had plans with other the next day said she had other commitments as well so wasn’t sure if she could make it - fair enough.

I completely get their perspective but am a bit over being scolded like a child / shamed - they then carried on chatting, invited me to join them while I waited (I ended up needing to change my travel plans due to issues with transport) but I was smarting a bit from being told off and was pleasant / friendly but made my excuses.

i appreciate I am probably on the wrong here but they are both very direct people especially when there is any perceived wrongdoing that they feel someone else has done to them - and I’m really not like that, I let more things slide. An example would be we were trying to book a holiday and one basically threw her toys out of the pram and said she didn’t like any of the two destinations so didn’t really want to go… Fine but perhaps dramatic? Whereas I feel I am more happy to go along with the group for an easy life.

anyway the weekend has ended on a slightly flat note and I’m a combination of embarrassed, guilty and irritated!

is what I did really that bad?!

OP posts:
Koazy · 25/05/2025 18:28

No not really. Sounds like you were a bit off and they were too so no issues. It’ll be forgotten when you see them next most likely

MattCauthon · 25/05/2025 18:30

So you told them in advance you had to leave earlier and had booked an earlier train. Then, you weren't actualyl together around the time you needed to get going so you packed yourself up and texted them. And now they're pissed with you?

Unless you didn't actually specify when you were leaving I think they're being very unreasonable.

MeliaBello · 25/05/2025 18:34

thats how I felt. We had loosely agreed on a time that I then stuck to and then they both seemed cold and pissed off at me when our paths crossed. They asked me to join them for dinner when I was waiting for my transport (which I didn’t really want to do) but then when I arrived they were sat at a table for two. They apologised etc, not that it’s anyone’s fault, but it just felt a bit awkward.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 25/05/2025 18:42

So you needed to leave earlier and then your transport was delayed so you were still there at dinner?

MeliaBello · 25/05/2025 18:44

Yes!

OP posts:
MeliaBello · 25/05/2025 21:09

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
RentalWoesNotFun · 25/05/2025 21:21

I’d have expected you to say goodbye in person.

hopeishere · 25/05/2025 21:45

It’s sounds a bit as if you were stressed about leaving but then it maybe didn’t look that urgent if you were there later on.

Also did no one have a phone to send a “where are you?” message? I’d expect to say goodbye to someone I was on a holiday with.

MeliaBello · 25/05/2025 21:52

Yes I messaged them and they said sorry they wouldn’t see me / where was I. The reason I was still there later was due to transport issues.

OP posts:
Matchalattetime · 25/05/2025 21:59

I completely get their perspective but am a bit over being scolded like a child / shamed - they then carried on chatting, invited me to join them while I waited (I ended up needing to change my travel plans due to issues with transport) but I was smarting a bit from being told off and was pleasant / friendly but made my excuses.

It sounds like you may be the people pleasing third wheel they take a bit for granted. I’ve been in that situation where it seems as if the other members of a given friendship group get a tad more respect than me, and I’m the one expected to make amends or apologise if something goes wrong.

Whereas I feel I am more happy to go along with the group for an easy life.

I have a similar personality but have learnt to be a bit less accommodating only because I do feel people eventually take advantage.

You need to start being a bit more direct like them too and stop being so quick to back down or be conciliatory when you’re not in the wrong.

MeliaBello · 26/05/2025 07:40

Thanks matcha, interesting perspective. I’m probably a little closer to one of them so not sure I’m a third wheel - and historically the other has tried to use me as a sounding board to vent against the other, to which I listened but never passed comment as I like them both and would never want to be in the middle. Point being, I think they both like my friendship and don’t see me as a hanger on per se…

However I am a people pleaser and am probably taken for granted in that context! Do you think I should say anything?

OP posts:
MeliaBello · 26/05/2025 07:41

Tempted to send a quick, friendly but direct text to the one I’m a little closer to…

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 26/05/2025 07:48

It sounds like no one was particularly clear, plus you saying you were going then not going. I think I'd leave it.

TrolleySong · 26/05/2025 07:54

The time to say something was at the time.

This whole trip sounds a bit odd. Where were the other two while you were packing, given you were sharing a room, and presumably all checking out for the same time on your final day? Or were they staying an extra night? And after saying you had to run off to catch a train, all stressed and unable to find them to say goodbye, you were still there at dinner time? And were planning to see one of the friends again the next day, after just spending the weekend together?

category12 · 26/05/2025 07:56

I'd let it go at this stage.

If you make it into a big thing now, you'll probably regret it.

RedRock41 · 26/05/2025 08:19

What were the transport issues? Did you arrange for someone to collect you? Doesn’t look that urgent you had to go when as someone said you were there later.
No one likes being scolded but another way to look at it is after a great weekend the way you bailed without a proper goodbye until chance encounter to them felt a bit off.

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