So basically I've had a crush on my boy bsf for a longggg time. A few months ago, I had confessed to him, and he liked me too. I thought that everything was gonna go great, however there was one problem. He's Muslim and I'm Christian. As a Christian, I am allowed to date, however in Islam, dating is considered haram. Bc he couldn't date, we js stayed friends (or more like js didn't talk abt what we were) but we acted like a couple. He would send me cute relationship reels, red thoughts, told me how pretty I am, and basically treated me like a princess (I was js as committed btw). Don't get me wrong, I LOVED it, but deep down I knew it was wrong. Although every time I would lay eyes on him I would get butterflies in my stomach and I would be smiling like an idiot, I had a feeling that it would never work out and it may js ruin our friendship. Btw he didn't want anyone to know that this was happening but my two closest friends eventually found out so it was only me, him, and my two bsfs who knew abt all of this. Another reason why it would prob not work out is that it was HELLA AWKWARD in personnnn. Honestly, it was prob bc of me since im an introvert in person and extrovert online lol. But like I was sitting with him at lunch for the first time ever and it wasn't like I didn't want to talk to him, it's js that I didn't know what to talk to him abt (He felt the same way too). We didn't rlly have that many interests in common when I think abt it. After around two weeks of this, I was talking to my cousin abt it and she told me that although it's cute and all, in reality it would never work out and there is a possibility that it would js ruin our friendship. After hearing this I wasn't able to see him the same for a while. Every time I looked at him, I felt a guilty feeling in my stomach like I shouldn't be doing this. It got to a point where I sent him a message basically saying that I missed when we were besties and it wasn't so awkward. I also told him of how I didn't wanna get in the way of his relationship with god. He agreed and we went back to how we were before, playful best friends. Fast forward to now, two months later, I've been trying to convince myself that I don't like him anymore, but I can't. It's driving me insane. My birthday was a few weeks ago and I had asked him for a teddy bear to add to my stuffed animal collection. He got it for me but he DOUCED it in his cologne and it smells SOOO GOODDD. It's sooo strong like I put it in my room and when I opened my door all I could smell is him. That's been making me go insane for the past 3 weeks. Although the scent isn't that strong anymore the bear still smells like him. My friend asked him if he sprayed it, but he said that it prob got on the bear when he spraying cologne. He's such a bad liarrrr. Also a few days ago, I noticed that he wore a different cologne and I asked him abt it and he asked me which one I liked better. I replied and said that I liked the one that he normally wears and the next day he wore that one. Also when I'm talking to him with my friends, my friends always say that even when they're talking, he would always be smiling and looking at me. I honestly think he still likes me. My friend asked him if he still likes me and he gave her 3 reasons why he won't tell her. 1. If I like him and he doesn't like me back, he would feel bad. 2. If I don't like him but he likes my, that would be embarrassing, and 3. If we both like each other, it would be awkward again. Also yesterday I was talking to my friends abt my ideal type. It was sorta describing him but it was VERY vague as I don't rlly have a type. But when I was saying that, istg his eyes were GLUED to me. Its like he wanted me to describe everything abt him. Sooo like idk what to do anymore bc I'm lwk attached to him. Every time I hear a love song I think abt him. Every time I hear a break up song I think of him. When I go to sleep, I think of him and smell him. I'm honestly gonna crash out now. I honestly don't know what to do. He told my bsf that he likes someone but he didn't say who. I honestly think that he's trying to get over me but is struggling. If he doesn't like me and likes another girl, and she likes him back, he would prob do the same that he did with me so now I feel like I ended it for nothing. I also feel like he doesn't care that dating and flirting like that isn't exactly allowed sooo. Idk what to do mannn ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ (I'm sooo sorry abt my grammar rn ðŸ˜)