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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partners ex

35 replies

YourMerryHiker · 25/05/2025 03:04

Hello everyone just wanting a bit of advice really ive been with my partner over 5 year now he has a child with his ex and a unbiological daughter with her too which he has brought up like his own but the child's mother is awful I could right a full book..I don't know how much longer I can cope with the situation as it's taking its toll on me and our relationship now she's just bringing huge weight to our relationship it's like they are still together she constantly gets the kids to ring to come and stop or ring for money so she can have a break baring in mind she only takes them to school they come home and get left to their own devices the youngest child lacks sleep really bad as their is no routine with her she just does not care about the children just the money she expects too much of my partner in my opinion she thinks everyone owes her a living she does not even buy the children anything underwear clothing trainers school clothing school trips even birthdays and chirstmas she does not buy them anything and im really not exagerating here my partner and his family provide every single thing even though she recieves child benefit etc she's recently had another baby to another man and claiming she can't cope she expects my partner to send her money and provide for her home and this new child even though she has started a whole new family it just never ends there's so much more to the situation but id be here all night ive told her shes got her prioroties all muddles up as its heart breaking seeing the children get treat this way but i grt made to be the bad one even though its me who probably provides for the child more than his own mother i bite my tongue on the situation but it just doesn't seem to end she doesn't seem to realise how much she is neglecting her children I try to tell my partner to speak to her to sort something out but he doesn't speak up as the child's mother would stop him seeing the children which is a complicated situation I just don't know what to do anymore..

OP posts:
LivingDeadGirlUK · 25/05/2025 08:35

Cam1981 · 25/05/2025 07:00

Sorry but your partner needs to grow a back bone. He needs to tell his ex anything to do with the kids you ring me not my dad and not my partner. He needs to go to his dad’s and block her number. You need to block her as well.

What you are describing are serious safeguarding issues. Your partner needs to go for custody and if it will be a bitter long battle then so be it.

You also need to reconsider whether you want the responsibility of looking after his children

This OP ^^

Block her and let your partner deal with his kids. If he can't he isn't a keeper.

S0j0urn4r · 25/05/2025 10:02

YourMerryHiker · 25/05/2025 06:40

Can you not read? It's not about the money I provide MY own hard earned money I work for so that's not the issue, its mainly her

Ooh! A question mark and a comma!

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 25/05/2025 10:06

He absolutely can apply for custody of both dc... 'Children of the family' is held in great regard in court... At least he could go for 50/50...
He can report her to ss also.

ThatDenimExpert · 25/05/2025 10:12

Unless you know what her income and expenses are I don’t know how you can ascertain that she isn’t prioritising her children.
it’s degrading to not be able to afford to buy your child underwear etc. I have a hard time believing that she doesn’t love her own kids?

ThatDenimExpert · 25/05/2025 10:14

If what you’ve written is true report her to social services for neglect

category12 · 25/05/2025 10:19

I think you need to focus on why your partner is being so weak.

And as pp has said, why are you her point of contact? If she's phoning anyone, it should be your dp.

If she's such a terrible parent, he should be applying for residency of the kids.

FatLarrysBanned · 25/05/2025 10:23

His main concern should be that she will withhold contact. She never will though, she wants to palm these kids off as much as she can, it doesn't suit her agenda/social life to say he can't see them.

Go to court, get a formal agreement in place, and proper regular maintenance payments at the CMS rate. Don't pay anything early/additional amounts to her, because she can't organise her own finances. Buy the things yourself if you want to. Set up a co-parenting messaging app and block her number.

You can't control what she does but you can control how you both react. You are giving her too much oxygen and fanning the flames. DP's ex was similar. It takes a while, but they get the message eventually.

newyearsresolurion · 25/05/2025 10:35

OMG!! commas, full stops, could have helped.

howshouldibehave · 25/05/2025 11:05

That was hard to read, please try some paragraphs!

You can only control your reaction to situations.

Stop giving her money.
Stop looking after her kids so she can have a break-that's down to your partner, not you.

we send her £100 for new trainers but no trainers got bought we had to go out and spend another £100 on shoes

Why would you give her £100? Why doesn't your partner just buy the child a pair of trainers if that's what they need. I wouldn't buy £100 ones either!

You are making poor choices here and moaning about it-you need to stop it! They are not your kids-stop paying out money for them. If your partner can't speak up and stop it, then you will be best off just leaving him and moving on.

Missj25 · 25/05/2025 16:45

I actually cannot believe the posts on here ..
I’m actually Gob smacked !
Firstly to address all the ASSHOLES posting here , saying they can’t understand the OPS post cause they can’t read it ! !
Yes , it’s very legible, It’s not written in a foreign language ..
Secondly , the hatred that comes across here towards men is disgusting to say the least !

OP , your partner sounds like a very good man & you a nice lady ..
The Ex , she’s awful ..
Must be a very stressful situation..
Your partner needs to seek legal advice ASAP..
Best of luck x

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