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Original poster

Friendship gone toxic?

15 replies

welliemum64 · 25/05/2025 00:17

I’ve known this friend for over 20 years, our husbands have known each other all their lives. She’s naturally a competitive and jealous person who always likes to be top dog and as I’ve come to notice, has quite a narcissistic personality. Whenever I text her it often takes days for her to answer even though I can see she’s active on social media. A few years ago we talked about a group of us going on cruise together all couples for my milestone birthday. It was talked about for months, I put details on a chat of the holiday and then when I went and booked our places (me and DH) Then they all suddenly decided they didn’t want to do that type of holiday and tried to persuade us to change to their choice of holiday. By this time we paid out over £1k on deposits and flights, so we couldn’t cancel. I thought this was a dirty trick but kept quiet. These couples all went on holiday together and kept posting photos at every opportunity. When I didn’t keep liking the posts she resorted to messaging me lots of photos so I couldn't ignore her. I put up with this behaviour because we’re all a group of friends and I just keep the peace as my husband has known all the guys for most his life. How do I deal with her constant showing off?

OP posts:
IPM · 25/05/2025 00:32

I don't really see she's done much wrong?

A few years ago you booked a holiday that no-one else wanted to go on.

They chose a different holiday, you were invited along but declined.

All sounds fine to me including the posting of holiday photos on SM, which is what the majority of people with SM accounts do.

But as always, if you don't like someone you can choose not to spend time with them.

TrolleySong · 25/05/2025 00:36

IPM · 25/05/2025 00:32

I don't really see she's done much wrong?

A few years ago you booked a holiday that no-one else wanted to go on.

They chose a different holiday, you were invited along but declined.

All sounds fine to me including the posting of holiday photos on SM, which is what the majority of people with SM accounts do.

But as always, if you don't like someone you can choose not to spend time with them.

Agreed. Everyone got the holiday they wanted, and she sent you photos? You don’t like her, so don’t see her?

itsbeenalongnight · 25/05/2025 00:37

Was it just one other couple in the group chat or more than one? If more than one, it’s a complete communication breakdown as to the holiday as doesn’t sound like people were on board for it at all.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 25/05/2025 00:37

You really hold a grudge.

gavisconismyfriend · 25/05/2025 01:03

Kill her with kindness! Respond to photos and posts with gushing comments. She’ll get bored and move on to the next person she can goad.

Notsosure1 · 25/05/2025 05:28

Your friends said they wanted to go on the cruise and were positive towards it, then as soon as you booked it, weren’t? Do you suspect this ‘friend’ of sabotaging?

Maybe speak to the other friends and ask why they changed their minds. You’ll probably find that she was telling them all the negative aspects of this type of holiday subtly or not so subtly. If you sent her photos would she respond how you do?

Stop messaging her and if she says anything tell her you’re really busy and are matching the energy of how friends respond to you. She can’t really argue with that is she’s a shit replier.

NineteenSeventyNine · 25/05/2025 05:37

Just block her number/SM and grey rock her IRL. No need to put up with someone you feel is being actively unpleasant towards you.

Original poster
welliemum64 · 25/05/2025 06:00

itsbeenalongnight · 25/05/2025 00:37

Was it just one other couple in the group chat or more than one? If more than one, it’s a complete communication breakdown as to the holiday as doesn’t sound like people were on board for it at all.

They were all really positive and excited about it, so it came as a bit of a surprise. I honestly feel all this came from this friend being negative. But like someone else said we all had the holiday we wanted in the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
welliemum64 · 25/05/2025 06:03

Notsosure1 · 25/05/2025 05:28

Your friends said they wanted to go on the cruise and were positive towards it, then as soon as you booked it, weren’t? Do you suspect this ‘friend’ of sabotaging?

Maybe speak to the other friends and ask why they changed their minds. You’ll probably find that she was telling them all the negative aspects of this type of holiday subtly or not so subtly. If you sent her photos would she respond how you do?

Stop messaging her and if she says anything tell her you’re really busy and are matching the energy of how friends respond to you. She can’t really argue with that is she’s a shit replier.

I’ll leave well alone. It’s fine, lesson learned, I won’t be planning anymore holidays with them. Life is short, I want to spend it with friends who I’m totally relaxed with and not waiting for the next passive aggressive incident to happen.

OP posts:
FamBae · 25/05/2025 06:36

You say the holiday was some years ago, so I'm guessing something has happened more recently that has prompted you to post today. Just pull back, if she messages you reply briefly and always be too busy to meet up, say sorry so busy right now but will see you next week for the group meal etc. Keep the relationship to group social situations only, be bright, breezy and civil but don't be drawn into in depth conversations, head to the loo if it helps, once you feel that you're in control she'll not be able to affect you. People like her are just jealouse, sad and needy in my opinion.

Original poster
welliemum64 · 25/05/2025 07:12

FamBae · 25/05/2025 06:36

You say the holiday was some years ago, so I'm guessing something has happened more recently that has prompted you to post today. Just pull back, if she messages you reply briefly and always be too busy to meet up, say sorry so busy right now but will see you next week for the group meal etc. Keep the relationship to group social situations only, be bright, breezy and civil but don't be drawn into in depth conversations, head to the loo if it helps, once you feel that you're in control she'll not be able to affect you. People like her are just jealouse, sad and needy in my opinion.

Because I went on a short break this week with a friend she doesn’t know. She reacted to a scenic photo I posted on a FB story then kept messaging “where are you? When I didn’t immediately respond she asked again. She plays games. Reels you in then doesn’t respond for days. I’m just fed up with her now. When she goes out with friends she posts boomerangs (drinks on her story every single time, as if to say I’m having a great time. I’ve unfollowed her on FB now. We’ve got some group social occasions coming up this summer. I will keep our interactions to group ones. Life is too short for this.

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 25/05/2025 08:18

When she asked you where you were and you didn’t respond, she asked you again.

Presumably you responded at some point?

I’m not seeing the big deal tbh

category12 · 25/05/2025 08:34

Sounds like time to block or defriend her on SM.

Or, less final, limit what she can see on your social media if you csn, that way she won't know to ask.

itsbeenalongnight · 25/05/2025 11:00

Thanks for the update and clarification Op. Limit contact and good you’ve reduced social media. Some people are just odd tbh

TrolleySong · 25/05/2025 11:15

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 25/05/2025 08:18

When she asked you where you were and you didn’t respond, she asked you again.

Presumably you responded at some point?

I’m not seeing the big deal tbh

Yes. You seem determined to see the worst in what sound like fairly ordinary interactions, OP. She asked where you were and asked again when you didn’t reply. Then you complain she posts on SM about going out for a drink with friends ‘as if to say I’m having a great time’ — but how is that any different to you posting photos from your holiday on SM?

Your issue here is the perennial one that crops up endlessly on Mn. You have spent 20 years being ‘friends’ with someone you appear to dislike and resent.

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