Do those who say hetero cis male sexuality is sometimes stigmatised have a point?

[Amikriry]

First disclosure. I am referring to consensual, non transactional romantic/sexual encounters between hetero men & women.

I had a conversation with a middle aged male friend recently. He has and has had positive relationships with women
,.both romantic & platonic. He said he had always felt that there was a relative lack of celebration, or positivity around the romantic approach or interaction between a straight man and a woman. He cited his Catholic upbringing, which emphasised all sexual feelings were bad. When he arrived at university after single sex schooling and looking forward to meeting new people, he felt the narrative was all.about the dangers of harassment, bad, negative, upsetting or criminal situations involving sex and romance. I did of course mention that the prevalence and damage done by some straight male.behaviour towards women necessitates this vigilance. Also that not harassing or abusing women does not mean pretending to be asexual. Thoughts?

You were losing me at cis even before I got lost in that word salad.

But if it helps, romance and sex and two very different things.

As “cis” is a meaningless invention this is a non question

Absolutely no idea what you’re on about.
Are you high?

(cis 🙄🙄🙄)

Oh lol, men just don’t have a clue about women’s experiences do they?

poor white middle aged straight men ! They had it so good for sooooo long and now cry tears a bit of push back.

Resd some of the online dating threads. A decent chap will be snapped up in days. The boring self absorbed men who don’t put any effort in, don’t !

Absolutely this. The second i see the word ‘cis’ my eyes roll so hard they look like a cartoon

I’ve never been upset / offended / deterred by romantic advances from someone I’ve wanted them from. Nor have I the first time that someone I know has indicated they have feelings for me.

I have issues with strangers making romantic advances and with those I’ve already said no to making those advances.

I don’t know if that bears any relation to the OP, but you might want to offer that advice to your friend…

I'm not really sure what you mean but are you saying that he was often accused of sexual harassment as he didn't know how to behave around women?

Cis. 🙄

To answer your thread title, no I don't think heterosexual cis male sexuality is stigmatised enough, quite frankly.

To respond to your friend's issue, if I understand it correctly, it just means he isn't looking in the right places for that celebration. The romantic fiction sector of publishing is incredibly large and successful. A huge percentage of those fictions are written by women, about straight people, and are almost the very definition of a celebration of the romantic approach. There's film, tv, art and culture singing the praises of straight men loving straight women: is it realistic? No, because men don't really behave that way en masse. If they want to, they can...

I think his problem is he doesn't really know much about women, it sounds like. Get him down the library!

I do feel a bit sorry for young straight cis males these days, I think the world and dating must be difficult for them to navigate- hence why some young boys are turning to toxic ideology and influencers like Andrew Tate. BUT it’s not the fault of women, it’s our turn, after lifetimes of being repressed. The reality is there is STILL lots of real world violence and assault by straight men against women, and men need to recognise that and be sensitive to it. Boys need to be educated and understand the world they’re growing up in. The world has never been fair on all sexes/genders/sexualities. Boys and men just need to get on board with that and respect that is not their golden era anymore.

He said he had always felt that there was a relative lack of celebration, or positivity around the romantic approach or interaction between a straight man and a woman

I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not. How about...I dunno...every rom com ever made? Every Disney film? Little girls everywhere are coached into thinking that one day their prince will come and rescue them. This is a mad take.

It's bizarre, isn't it?

I suspect what's happening is that the men around him have taken the piss at some point about him being a bit soppy, and of course it's beholden upon femalekind to explain why. I would guess he'd get better answers from a man, but less attention.

Your 'friend' was brought up a Catholic. Nuff said.

I'm sorry your middle-aged friend didn't get laid at University. Maybe after, I don't know, 20 odd years later, he should get over it?

He said he had always felt that there was a relative lack of celebration, or positivity around the romantic approach or interaction between a straight man and a woman

God knows why. It's what every civilsation/religion throughout the world has ever been based on. As a result, the vast majority of art in all its forms is also centred around the sexual/romantic relationship between a man and a woman. Men and women are positively encouraged by society to form a contract together and procreate.

He said he had always felt that there was a relative lack of celebration, or positivity around the romantic approach or interaction between a straight man and a woman

I've rarely read anything less true than that.

Maybe he's just been to shit weddings.

Very telling that a straight white male can come up with that self centred drivel.

Women have been told that their behaviour is leading a man on millennia before men knew what sexual harassment was.

Reading between the lines it sounds like he expected university to be lots of string free sex and he was blindsided by talk of harassment. Are you sure that his comments aren’t a reaction when he realized that was “behind” men who weren’t Catholic and used to talking to girls?

I have 2 hetero sons and while they have learn stuff like how to ask someone out and mentioned it’s scary sometimes, they have never moaned about it not being celebrated. 99.9% of films/tv with a romance theme is about a man and woman, more women are straight than not and they are asked out as much as they ask women out. I walked down the street with one of them and a young woman stopped my son and asked if she could have his Snap- young women are keen to meet men as much as before sexual harassment was a known term and I wonder if your friend is bitter that he didn’t get more women as he felt he should.

I’d be advising him that the Catholic upbringing and single sex school had more impact on his luck with women rather than people talking about harassment. My children went to co-ed schools and have friends who are the opposite sex which has probably helped them find people to date as young adults.

Seems he has the misogynistic view that the worse thing about the rape and sexual abuse of women, is that it makes men look bad. Boo-fucking-hoo.

@Amikriry

i hope you are feeding this back to your ‘friend’

it’s not women’s fault he is not getting laid and the fantasy that hetero relationships are not celebrated is just that, epic fantasy.

Tell him to:
get fit
have good hygiene
Read books
get a haircut
buy nice clothes (book a personal shopper if he can’t manage)
Practice listening to women and respond to what they say
Try volunteering at charity to widen his social circle

give a year and he will see a massive improvement!

Cis 🤦‍♀️

He said he had always felt that there was a relative lack of celebration, or positivity around the romantic approach or interaction between a straight man and a woman.

Yes, they should make big celebrations of hetero romances when people commit for life. Maybe throw a party, invite a few friends? Could catch on.

Poor men, having to learn about sexual harrassment and be told not to do it. Is he also one of those that spouts shit like "you can't even talk to women anymore!" and "I'm scared to ask a woman out in case I get accused of assault."

Also, cis? FFS.

Cis? Your words or his?

How old is this guy and where did he get his pre university pre conceptions from and who was writing the narrative?

It all sounds very odd. Being "middle-aged" I don't recollect that at all or remember that sort of vibe either.

When he arrived at university after single sex schooling and looking forward to meeting new people, he felt the narrative was all.about the dangers of harassment, bad, negative, upsetting or criminal situations involving sex and romance.

Was this around 25-30 years ago or has he been to university as an older student? I think highlighting the very important issue of consent is a fairly recent thing ime?