How to tell children about a new partner

[Joni234]

Kids are 11 and 9.
How did you tell your kids that you are in a new relationship? I'm literally looking for what words to say!
Ex and I have a good relationship, co-parent and kids spend time with both of us.
I have waited until things are fairly serious with new partner and I want to introduce him to kids.
How did you do my it, would you have changed anything and any other advice?

How long have you been dating the new guy?

I'd wait until you are properly serious. I've learnt from my mistakes and would wait at least a year.

@Joni234 my children met my then partner after around 7 months after he dropped me home from being away. He met my family at the same time. I then started dropping into conversations that he was my boyfriend. I had thought he was the one because we had a history together (we had dated before) plus I thought it was good for my children to see a healthy relationship for me. But actually I think now I wouldn't do this/think twice as we ended up splitting up because he couldn't handle the idea of dating a parent. In your situation I'd just think carefully whether this has legs and I'd probably wait a year.

We have been together well over a year and he has met my parents and other family members. We have known each other for several years prior (but not in a romantic capacity before now, no history). He has also met my ex.
It's definitely serious and are on the same page that this as the next step of the relationship, to gradually start spending time with the kids- he has been happy to go along on my timeline. He doesn't have his own kids (he did want them but it didn't happen) so this will be new to him, but so far he has proven that he will always agree that the kids needs are my priority, and he has been doing lots of legwork in the background to help me run a solo parent household.
It's he right time but the question is how- and what kind of questions to expect from the kids? I want to give them as much reassurance as possible

Hopeful bump!

Just mention over tea that you've been seeing him and tell them he's coming round for tea at the weekend or something fairly casual.

I'm no expert but I think one approach is to introduce the abstract idea of you having a boyfriend/dating someone, and let them get used to that, before introducing him in person.
I know some people then wait for the kids to say they want to meet them.

My kids are a bit younger but I told them I had a friend I'd like them to meet so we went for a walk and then lunch together. They liked him so asked if it was ok that he come to supper one night a couple weeks later and then just went from there he sees them maybe once every couple of weeks now and they look forward to seeing him as he is excellent with them.
About a month after they met him I introduced the idea of him being my boyfriend, we talked about their feelings and there were reassurances that nothing big was changing and they were fine with it as they knew him and were comfortable with him. It was a few months after he first met them before he stayed overnight while they were here and that was after they actually asked why he didn't stay and we discussed it.

Has their other parent tried dating? If they are used to the idea of another parent dating it's easier.

I think basically what I was trying to say is the words aren't as important as going at a pace that is comfortable for your kids and making sure you check in with them about how they feel and discussing any concerns they have around the relationship.

This may not be right at all, as I haven't been in this situation, but I think I'd introduce him as a friend first. Someone you get on with and enjoy spending time with. Invite him over for lunch a couple of times, or to the cinema with you and the kids and maybe one friend each for them too.

Then for longer periods - full days either just hanging out at home or going out for the day, so they get to know him.

Then say he is a close friend so he will sometimes sleepover, just as they have sleepovers with their friends at times.

I'd be inclined to let it just become the norm, rather than make any announcement.

Do they have any idea you've been dating? e.g. do they know you've been out some evenings or do you always do things like that when they're at their dad's?

Hi everyone I just wanted to return to this thread and say thank you for your helpful advice 🙂
I put it into action and things are going well so far

Aww nice update OP.