Relationship advice needed

[BeSunnyOchreOP]

I don’t know what to do/ say to my partner. The situation is that he lost his job 4 years ago and hasn’t been the same since. In and out of depression, always angry or annoyed at me over little things, he is very good around the house and at being a Dad but seems to resent me. For example even though I leave at 7 in the morning and am back at 6:30 he’ll have ago at me for not doing enough around the house, once Iam done putting the kids to bed I am shattered. He has stopped being affectionate all together no hugs touches etc. Chatting to my friend she said I should talk to him and explain how I felt so I did …but it went awfully. When I said I felt like he didn’t love me anymore he was just really mad at me saying I should understand why he’s not affectionate with everything he’s been though losing his job. Then I got upset crying and when I asked him to just hug me he said no because it’s like I was bribing him ‘ if you don’t do this then you don’t love me’ .Anyway now he’s saying he wants us to eat dinner separately.. I just find him so difficult to talk to, it didn’t used to be this hard!

I'm really sorry you're going through this but it sounds like he doesn't love you.

If he is not a good husband to you he is also not being a good dad to his kids either. Women in poor relationships write the good dad comment usually when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

It’s totally unfair of him to blame you so do not accept any blame for his current state.

What had he done if anything these past 4 years to improve his life and or mental health?. Has he been to see the GP, has he made serious attempts to obtain employment?. If not I’d be wanting to know why.

It would be in your best interest to leave this lazy man. He needs to get his arse off the settee and find a job to support his child when you leave him.
You are worth so much more than this man is offering.
Please find a way to leave and live your life single, but happy with your child.
Don't worry about finances...they will sort themselves out. Please speak to women's aid when you're able to.

He sounds like a bully.

Yes that’s what I think but he won’t admit it

Thanks commenting, I was beginning to dour myself

I can’t figure out how to reply to specific comments but in answer he went to the doctor initially and was on antidepressants for a short while. I couldn’t notice that much of a difference with him off and on them to be honest. he has applied for some jobs every now and again but these days you have to be really persistent. He’s had some job offers falling through and does seem to take it really hard when he doesn’t get something, he gets angry with everyone and difficult to talk to. Thanks for commenting yes I think he doesn’t love me but won’t admit it.

Sorry to hear about how hard things are OP. It sounds like he has had enough time to sort out his job situation and his response to it. He is not treating you well. Why waste energy wondering if he still loves you. Can you get more support, start focusing on yourself and start wondering if this is what you want for yourself ?

My partner and I had a massive row and it was infront of our son, I feel terrible my partner got angry threw his mug, he has been out of work so short of money and unhappy although he has a job now, I was out of work last year but working now, things have been tough money has been tight, we haven't had a family holiday for 4 years I managed to book a little break a while ago for us but it has been unappreciated, i get moaned at constantly I'm trying to make life better, my partner is just moaning all the time, he wants to sell our house I don't know what to do, he thinks I don't appreciate what he does but honestly he just works and doesn't help around the house, we don't do things together anymore I just feel so upset and don't know what to do for the best.

@BeSunnyOchreOP I'm so sorry for you.

You really sound like you've got your shit together. You have run the household and held down a job until DH lost his and now that he's expected to simply do a spare portion of what you already did on your own, he's failing and blaming you.

He is weak, lazy and selfish. There is no reason for him to resent or bring you down but he has to because he is lacking.

Don't be hurt or sad. Be angry. He's only being asked to do the bare minimum and he can't even do that without sulking. What a joker!

He's not your equal. He never will be.

You should think on this.