Desire to relocate to family since having a baby

[LoftyAnt]

We moved to Cornwall about 3 years ago and loved the lifestyle down here, the surfing, beaches, walking and discovering new places. Our daughter was born 18 months ago and, almost from the moment she was born, I have felt a longing to be closer to family. I have a close relationship with my family, for some reason I thought the 6+ hour distance would be manageable as it was before I was pregnant, but it's causing me so much sadness and stress. We speak regularly on video, they visit every few weeks (which isn't easy for them) and I go home when I can (highly stressful on my own with a baby/toddler)
The problem is my partner thinks differently, he has no desire to live closer to family (mine nor his) and does not want to move out of Cornwall. I've suggested a compromise e.g. trying somewhere for a year and he has reluctantly agreed, but he says that it's only because he feels forced into it and he's never going to be happy with the decision, even though the area we are thinking of remains beautiful, but we would be sacrificing the beaches.
I don't want to move when he's going to resent me and I don't want to feel like I'm forcing him into this, I want us to work together as a team. It's causing so many disputes and I don't feel like I can talk about it with him as it just becomes too distressing, but it's eating me up inside.
I know he loves the life we have down here and I don't want to sacrifice his happiness, but my priorities and outlook on life has changed since having a baby. Of course the practical support of grandparents would be very helpful, but for me, it's more the emotional support and my daughter growing up around the people that love her most. We also would like another baby, but I can't imagine the sleep deprivation+ toddler + no support.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation after having a baby? How did you and your partner manage the conflict ?

Realistically, moving somewhere for a year on a trial basis isn’t going to help anything.

It just further extends the new ness and the uncertainty.

If you move, you need to move with the sim of it being for the long term. Or for a fixed term sabbatical type move with the intent to move back.

Kindly, it sounds like you’ve not fully committed to making life work in Cornwall. If you’re travelling away that much then you’re not going to become part of the community. Friendships take time. That said, if you move somewhere that’s 90 mins from where you grew up you’re still not going to be embedded and part of the community there if you’re constantly driving back to parents / school friends. It’s just going to make the travel shorter. 90 min each way trips aren’t realistic to fit round things like school days.

Between you you need to work out a plan, but be wary of compromises that don’t actually make anything better, instead just add upheaval and uncertainty. You described it as your mental health being more important than the costs - but there’s more to it than that. Your husbands and your child’s matter too. Jobs also factor in. NHS work in Cornwall is a different thing to the Peaks area.

I hear your frustrations, but I’m not convinced your plan is the magic solution you think it is. It might just switch up the issues.

I can totally understand this. I live 3 hours away from my family and we are incredibly close. I used to have one sibling that lived closer but they have since moved to be with the rest of our family. I am stuck where we live with 3 small children and we have no family support at all. My husband has siblings in the area but we might as well not exist to them. He is reluctant to move for lots of reasons but it’s started to cause some tension between us. I don’t think one persons reasons out trump the others but I also think that we could have a completely different life to the one we have now if we had family around us. It’s tough. I would say though, if you are planning to move to be with family, a 3 hour round trip still wouldn’t be close enough. You haven’t got support on your doorstep to help with another child as you have stated. And as your parents get older, they will no longer be able to make that journey, and you may need to be around for them more. Make the move worthwhile and move much closer to them.

I think you need to find your own life where you are

your update conflicts with what you originally said

I think you are seeing family a lot. Yes they will get older but so will your children - if you both like the peaks and it would feel equal then maybe

Did you move. 😆 ⛵