I've just realised my only sibling is a narcissist

Noangelbuthavingfun · 2025-05-22T18:44:36+00:00

Just that really ... I'm shocked and sad. It escalated from a simple comment of masculinity to a character assassination and being called a toxic feminist etc. Followed by a barrage of psychoanalysis . What are the traits ? How do you deal with them ? I've gone grey rock to protect my peace. Experience and thoughts welcome. I don't even know how people turn into these beings .... so sad and frustrating

SummerySunshine8 · 22/05/2025 20:16

That you sis?

MrsSunshine2b · 22/05/2025 21:48

It sounds like you've had an argument with your sibling, just like all of us have.

Diagnosing them as a narcissist is a bit extreme.

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 22/05/2025 22:15

Possibly true... but no regard for another's feelings... discrediting ... gaslighting..
. It just feels like it. Could be wrong... asking for insight

OP posts:

Planterns · 22/05/2025 22:19

YouTube has some good information on narcissists.

CraftyNavySeal · 22/05/2025 22:34

If character assassination and psychoanalysis makes someone a narcissist then aren’t you the one that’s a narcissist?

Because this seems like a massive overreaction to a disagreement with someone.

WayneEyre · 22/05/2025 22:37

Sounds like you're doing the same thing...

WhatMe123 · 22/05/2025 22:38

Honestly why does this term get banded around so much on this forum 🙄

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 22/05/2025 22:43

Very interesting responses .... don't people just one day realise it and boom it all makes sense ? Whoever it is ?
Why is it an issue with it being banded about? Is it not a problem ? Is it easily being used without grounded evidence ?
There's good info on behaviours online

OP posts:

Leafy3 · 22/05/2025 22:51

I'm not sure that you can be sure a person is a narcissist when you have to ask what the traits are...

Lots of people have narcissistic traits, and it's a much overused descriptor these days. Don't like someone? They must be a narcissist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder can only be assessed & diagnosed by a psychiatrist so even if your sister has notable narcissistic traits she's unlikely to have NPD.

The best thing to do with people like this is maintain a healthy, civil, disinterested distance. Its hard to detach emotionally but keeping an emotional barrier is the only real defence, which is why they 'grey rock' technique is so often recommended.

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 22/05/2025 23:14

Leafy3 · 22/05/2025 22:51

I'm not sure that you can be sure a person is a narcissist when you have to ask what the traits are...

Lots of people have narcissistic traits, and it's a much overused descriptor these days. Don't like someone? They must be a narcissist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder can only be assessed & diagnosed by a psychiatrist so even if your sister has notable narcissistic traits she's unlikely to have NPD.

The best thing to do with people like this is maintain a healthy, civil, disinterested distance. Its hard to detach emotionally but keeping an emotional barrier is the only real defence, which is why they 'grey rock' technique is so often recommended.

Thank you - very valid point and insight and fully agree. I suppose I'm upset and sad traits and looking for an explanation that may or may not hold true...

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WhatMe123 · 23/05/2025 06:29

The term is rarely used right on here . Having a narcissist personality disorder is not the same as being a bad/nasty/toxic person. It is a highly specific set of traits that is quite a complex psychiatric diagnosis
Most the people on here just know unpleasant people
I work in mental health and have met a few with the narcissist personality diagnosis and the biggest trait is the idea that they are fundamentally better that others and they will do whatever it takes to maintain this feeling. That's narcissism, they disregard others feelings as they're not as important as their own, they're more successful, people aren't worthy of their time, , they won't bother with people are they're not good enough for them etc etc

GarlicPile · 23/05/2025 06:50

How do you deal / what are your thoughts?

Well ...

character assassination is often very illuminating, I find. Assuming you don't think there's more than about 5% truth in it, the assassination tells you a great deal about the assassin: the qualities they value, even live by; what they fear and whether they envy you.

It's always worth mentally switching pronouns, so turn "You always" and "I am" to "I always" and "you are". See if this actually turns the diatribe into a confession (it's called projection).

being called a toxic feminist Meh. The only people who call women's rights toxic are male supremacists. You can either sweetly point this out or just go "uh-huh".

a barrage of psychoanalysis If I had a pension fund, I'd bet the lot on this being where you'll find pure projection. Reverse the pronouns. Appreciate this incisive assessment of his own psychology. Learn from it.

Don't bother arguing, for heaven's sake! Take a mental step back, listen and analyse. Tell him charmingly that it was very interesting. Walk off and do something else :)

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 23/05/2025 09:18

WhatMe123 · 23/05/2025 06:29

The term is rarely used right on here . Having a narcissist personality disorder is not the same as being a bad/nasty/toxic person. It is a highly specific set of traits that is quite a complex psychiatric diagnosis
Most the people on here just know unpleasant people
I work in mental health and have met a few with the narcissist personality diagnosis and the biggest trait is the idea that they are fundamentally better that others and they will do whatever it takes to maintain this feeling. That's narcissism, they disregard others feelings as they're not as important as their own, they're more successful, people aren't worthy of their time, , they won't bother with people are they're not good enough for them etc etc

Well that's my sibling I'm afraid. Constantly talks about their superiority and people not worthy of her time . I'm convinced and there's lots of background too but not for this thread

OP posts:

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 23/05/2025 09:20

GarlicPile · 23/05/2025 06:50

How do you deal / what are your thoughts?

Well ...

character assassination is often very illuminating, I find. Assuming you don't think there's more than about 5% truth in it, the assassination tells you a great deal about the assassin: the qualities they value, even live by; what they fear and whether they envy you.

It's always worth mentally switching pronouns, so turn "You always" and "I am" to "I always" and "you are". See if this actually turns the diatribe into a confession (it's called projection).

being called a toxic feminist Meh. The only people who call women's rights toxic are male supremacists. You can either sweetly point this out or just go "uh-huh".

a barrage of psychoanalysis If I had a pension fund, I'd bet the lot on this being where you'll find pure projection. Reverse the pronouns. Appreciate this incisive assessment of his own psychology. Learn from it.

Don't bother arguing, for heaven's sake! Take a mental step back, listen and analyse. Tell him charmingly that it was very interesting. Walk off and do something else :)

Difficult to do if you live someone and care for them.. but you are right . Thank you. Being told I haven't worked on myself and not as evolved as them is a major red flag

OP posts:

Movinghouseatlast · 23/05/2025 09:22

Narcissism is a serious personality disorder.

Sounds like your brother has some horrible views about women that are not to do with a personality disorder, they are just his views probably gained from online 'influencers'.

ExercicenformedeZ · 23/05/2025 09:24

YABU. You spend too much time on Mumsnet, I think. 'Toxic masculinity' is an overused buzzword, sounds as if your brother was just giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 23/05/2025 09:28

GarlicPile · 23/05/2025 06:50

How do you deal / what are your thoughts?

Well ...

character assassination is often very illuminating, I find. Assuming you don't think there's more than about 5% truth in it, the assassination tells you a great deal about the assassin: the qualities they value, even live by; what they fear and whether they envy you.

It's always worth mentally switching pronouns, so turn "You always" and "I am" to "I always" and "you are". See if this actually turns the diatribe into a confession (it's called projection).

being called a toxic feminist Meh. The only people who call women's rights toxic are male supremacists. You can either sweetly point this out or just go "uh-huh".

a barrage of psychoanalysis If I had a pension fund, I'd bet the lot on this being where you'll find pure projection. Reverse the pronouns. Appreciate this incisive assessment of his own psychology. Learn from it.

Don't bother arguing, for heaven's sake! Take a mental step back, listen and analyse. Tell him charmingly that it was very interesting. Walk off and do something else :)

This is fascinating thanks for the helpful insight and such an easy technique to test

OP posts:

WayneEyre · 23/05/2025 09:28

OP have your fun with some of the lesser known personality disorders. It's not appropriate to diagnose someone else just after a sibling row. Also look at confirmation biases. You can find traits of all sorts of MH disorders if you look hard enough. Perhaps they're a touch histrionic? Avoiding you? Maybe they're feeling a bit schizoid today. More than that, I think both get offline and give each other some space.

Baconandbrietoastie · 23/05/2025 09:29

Narcissism is a funny thing. It doesn’t necessarily make someone a bad person. But they are immature beings masking in a world. You will only spot this mask after some time really. They are often pillars of the community and well respected. Im not sure that many really preach so highly of themselves so verbally. What they do is gather supporters and this is where they get the supply. I think people just label everyone with narcissism when it’s a very complex condition. I married one. They are very slow at eroding boundaries, a slow shift to loosing yourself. They can’t never do conflict and will push the blame onto you into subtle gaslighting ways. This seems a little too obvious to be narcissistic.

Original poster

Noangelbuthavingfun · 23/05/2025 09:33

Baconandbrietoastie · 23/05/2025 09:29

Narcissism is a funny thing. It doesn’t necessarily make someone a bad person. But they are immature beings masking in a world. You will only spot this mask after some time really. They are often pillars of the community and well respected. Im not sure that many really preach so highly of themselves so verbally. What they do is gather supporters and this is where they get the supply. I think people just label everyone with narcissism when it’s a very complex condition. I married one. They are very slow at eroding boundaries, a slow shift to loosing yourself. They can’t never do conflict and will push the blame onto you into subtle gaslighting ways. This seems a little too obvious to be narcissistic.

This is also interesting - thank you. I think you are right - it's not subtle at all - it's loud and proud . But no doubt a power play. Something is amiss though and whatever it is its a shame that everyone else is the problem and they are the enlightened one .

OP posts:

Baconandbrietoastie · 23/05/2025 09:38

Noangelbuthavingfun · 23/05/2025 09:33

This is also interesting - thank you. I think you are right - it's not subtle at all - it's loud and proud . But no doubt a power play. Something is amiss though and whatever it is its a shame that everyone else is the problem and they are the enlightened one .

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Some people are simple arrogant idiots. The root of narcissism is deep shame and insecurity. Mostly born from childhood trauma or neglect. Sometimes they are just put on pedestals by their parents tho.