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Relationships

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Original poster

Children meeting my ex affair partner

25 replies

ThatIcyLemonSnail · 22/05/2025 18:23

4 weeks ago I found my partner has been having an affair for the last 7 months. She's adamant she's in love and has left me for him.
She's has decided that it's best if I stay in the family home and our children stay with me.
Currently she is spending every spare minute with him so I'm mostly bringing up our children while trying to hold it together, I'm absolutely devastated and in tears most of the time while she is just very calm and emotionally empty towards me but very happy about her new relationship

Yesterday was the first day where I didn't spontaneously cry and I even managed a few hours of decent sleep, then today she phoned me at work to ask if it would be OK to take our 2 year old out to the park and introduce him to her boyfriend as they were going out together for the day. It's properly set me back and I'm in tears, all I can do is keep thinking about our son calling him daddy, but at the same time I'm working from home tomorrow so if I don't let him go then I know he will be at home with me and miss out on a day out with his mum.
I'm so upset and confused

OP posts:

NimbleTiger · 22/05/2025 18:35

Personally I think it's very soon for a 2yr old to be meeting mummy's new boyfriend after a 4 week upheaval of her leaving ? ....what are you thinking put some boundaries jn place to protect your child...what if this is a 'Mr right now ' situation ? Your child could be meeting different ' boyfriends ' on a regular basis .....it's a hard NO from me and stop pandering to her requirements she left ...not spending time with her child is a consequence of her choices.... hugs

Channellingsophistication · 22/05/2025 18:49

How devastating and awful that she wants to introduce your young child to a new boyfriend already. I think you just have to say it's too soon, too much change and you are not comfortable with this happening. But of course she may do as she wants anyway....
sorry, you are in this situation. It's horrible.

BananaSpanner · 22/05/2025 18:51

Say no. It’s too soon and too confusing for the child. She needs to spend time with your child on her own.

PermanentTemporary · 22/05/2025 18:57

Good grief. This is a terrible idea for the child - my heart breaks for you both. She sounds like a straightforwardly shit mother. I'm so sorry.

I agree she will probably do it anyway but you have every right to point out that a toddler whose mother has just moved out desperately needs to have attention and time with HER and only her.

lalalalalady · 22/05/2025 19:03

Absolutely not. I wouldn’t be confusing my 2 year old with this cheaters new boyfriend. Tell her to jog on.

Whatadayyyyyyy · 22/05/2025 19:04

Far too soon, don’t be afraid to put your foot down and say no. Boundaries are important for you and the kids at this point

80s · 22/05/2025 19:17

Even if he is only tiny and doesn't understand what's going on, your son has had his mummy move out, his daily routine has changed, and he'll have picked up on your sadness however hard you're trying to protect him. It's not a suitable time to be introducing him to a stranger that his mum is suddenly all pally with. Tell your wife she needs to give the poor mite a break.

Take a long lunch tomorrow, go to the park with your son yourself and have an ice-cream in the sunshine. The time outdoors will do you good too.

I had two step-parents and never called either of them mum or dad. It would be more than weird of your wife or the OM to start calling him "daddy". Surely not going to happen?!

HowAmYa · 22/05/2025 19:27

I left my exH 6 years ago when DD was 1, i started dating my now DP ariund 6 months later and I still waited till DD was nearly 4 until I introduced my DP to her. She needed to know and understand and get used to the idea of her parents being separate and having a functioning routine with us both before introducing anyone else into the equation.
i don’t get why people do it so quickly.
4 weeks is disgusting, she needs to get her head out of the clouds and understand she will damage and confuse your child(ren).
I’d outright refuse. Tell her she can have her fun and be with her new man as much as she likes but you’re not dragging your kids into this weird bubble of hers

Original poster

ThatIcyLemonSnail · 22/05/2025 19:36

PermanentTemporary · 22/05/2025 18:57

Good grief. This is a terrible idea for the child - my heart breaks for you both. She sounds like a straightforwardly shit mother. I'm so sorry.

I agree she will probably do it anyway but you have every right to point out that a toddler whose mother has just moved out desperately needs to have attention and time with HER and only her.

You calling her a shit mother really hurts, she's not and has been an amazing mother to all our children for the 25 years we've been together, but I just don't know whats going on in her head at the moment, I'm just so upset it feels like everyday is a new kick in the teeth

OP posts:

Endofyear · 22/05/2025 19:37

First of all, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. After only 4 weeks you must still be reeling from the shock. You must be a great dad to get up every day and show up for your children.

I think it's far too soon for your ex to be introducing her new boyfriend to your children. It will be confusing and upsetting for them. I think you'd be sensible to tell your ex this and say no for now. Frankly, she sounds immature and irresponsible to even consider it!

And please don't worry about your children calling him daddy - you are their daddy and always will be. No-one can replace you.

PermanentTemporary · 22/05/2025 19:40

I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me.

Let's just say that she doesn't appear to be putting her child's needs first.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 22/05/2025 19:44

PermanentTemporary · 22/05/2025 19:40

I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me.

Let's just say that she doesn't appear to be putting her child's needs first.

That was big of you to apologise but I do agree it is pretty shitty behaviour.

Original poster

ThatIcyLemonSnail · 22/05/2025 19:46

PermanentTemporary · 22/05/2025 19:40

I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me.

Let's just say that she doesn't appear to be putting her child's needs first.

Oh no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that its just your right and it hurts seeing it in writing when I know she's is so much better than this

OP posts:

scoobysnaxx · 22/05/2025 19:58

It’s completely wildly inappropriate for her to introduce your child to her new partner at this age and so soon.

The child is far too young to process what’s happening.

she is not putting your child’s needs first.

SAY NO. I understand you have left and if you want this new relationship then that’s fine I am not in your way. But it is far too soon to introduce litttle Jamie to anyone. Please give it time, as would I. For his sake.

uuuuu · 22/05/2025 20:01

ThatIcyLemonSnail · 22/05/2025 19:36

Show quote history

She hasn’t been an amazing mother - she’s broken up the family and wants to introduce a 2yo to some fuck boy she’s having an affair with. That’s a shit mum.

Scottishskifun · 22/05/2025 20:03

I think you calmly explain that your 2 year old needs to adjust to the living arrangements and at this point that's seeing their mum on their own and re-establishing contact.

RealEagle · 22/05/2025 20:07

She should be spending time with him on her own ,not introducing him to some random she’s shacked up with

User27563 · 22/05/2025 20:07

As shes asked you, I would say no, you don't think that's a good idea for your child.

It's very hard when you are hurting so much and she's obviously got swept away in her romance and that's affecting her judgement 😞

MakeItToTheMoon · 22/05/2025 21:09

Did you have any problems in your marriage before she broke up the family home? How are your other children handling this all?

Original poster

ThatIcyLemonSnail · 22/05/2025 21:17

MakeItToTheMoon · 22/05/2025 21:09

Did you have any problems in your marriage before she broke up the family home? How are your other children handling this all?

Not that I was aware of, we had been away together in December for a couple of children free nights to celebrate our 25th anniversary which she arranged, had a great time ( or so I thought). Turns out she was already having an affair before it was even booked

OP posts:

Coffeislife · 22/05/2025 21:19

It's sweet you are attempting to defend her but right now she isn't the woman you know. Absolutely NO good mother wants to introduce a new boyfriend so quickly.

AboogaBooga · 22/05/2025 21:22

It would be a HELL NO from me and I’d be telling her to take me to court for visitation.

You need to grow some cojones. You’re infantilizing her with this naive “oh no, I just don’t know what’s gotten into her”. Another man, that’s what! She has been INTENTIONALLY deceitful and made an active decision with her brain to blow up your family. It’s not an accident. She didn’t fall on this man’s dick or get lured into his arms like a helpless child. She made a choice.

So wake up

Original poster

ThatIcyLemonSnail · 22/05/2025 21:25

MakeItToTheMoon · 22/05/2025 21:09

Did you have any problems in your marriage before she broke up the family home? How are your other children handling this all?

Our 2 eldest daughters, 21 and 14, are not speaking to her but she appears to not be bothered, if fact she can't see their view at all and thinks they are the problem. Again, something out of character for her

OP posts:

HouseCaptain · 22/05/2025 21:36

Your ex partner sounds horribly cruel and selfish. It’s far too soon for your children to be meeting a boyfriend. It sounds as if the only thing that matters is what she wants, above the welfare of your children.

MrsSunshine2b · 22/05/2025 21:56

Yeesh, I generally take the view that once you've split each parent has to decide for themselves who to bring their child around and it's best to let it go if you don't agree. Ultimately, the courts will not stop her from introducing him unless he's a safeguarding risk.

However, 4 weeks after the split is just completely inappropriate.

I think you need something formal in writing about when she sees 2yo and until you've got that, she can see 2yo at his home with you present and the bf is not coming in.

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