To want to leave him?

[What2do22]

Hey, nc for this one…

I’ve been with my partner for around 8 years, we have a 2.5 year old ds and I’m really struggling in our relationship atm. For example, today I did:
the nursery run
then logged onto work early to cram a lot in
2 loads of washing
cooked dinner for tomorrow as I’m in the office
prepped dinner for tonight
cleaned the kitchen/bathroom
walked the dog

It was agreed this morning that he would pick ds up tonight. He got home early from work and has been snoozing on the sofa 2:30-5pm. I finished work and went downstairs surprised he hadn’t left yet, he then asked if I was coming too. I said no as I’m going to cook dinner for when they get home… queue a massive sigh and him saying it’s so much easier if I come too and that I should be coming when I am able to (so I can sit in the back and entertain ds), but then we’d get in and I’d have to cook dinner with ds hanging onto me or him whinging with his dad. He then said that I’m doing bed time tonight!

I just can’t handle how inconsiderate he is of everything that I do, I’m starting to feel so resentful and dislike him. I can feel myself getting moody and short with him, and I just cba to make any conversation/effort with him any more.

not really sure what I want from replies, just think I needed a rant x

I couldn’t be bothered with this OP, you don’t sound like you’re working as a team and you really do need to be with young children to avoid resentment starting to fester!

He’s a lazy selfish bastard and he won’t change

Ugh. Awful. Lazy and mean—he absolutely treats you like a servant.

You need a rota, a physical rota hung on the wall that clearly displays who is responsible for what duty and when.

Bollocks to that

You’re not wrong to want to leave him.

Document how much of the child care you do, for a time I would stretch yourself and take on more, like today’s pick up, just for the record.

Id then tell him you’re leaving him and the relationship is over. He’s taking the complete piss, that might be the kick up the arse he needs to start pulling his weight (I doubt it), but i wouldn’t keep begging and asking for his help when you know he isn’t actually going to do it or change.

You need to get rid as well as rant. Only ranting without further action means the underlying problem remains.

Sounds like he is inconsiderate at best and damn right lazy, selfish and controlling at worst. Never too late to set boundaries as you see fit. www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries/

I'd get a white board and write both your names at the top. And every time you do a chore that day, write the chore on the board (maybe it's duration too).

Hell look like a prize prick if there are 20 things on your side and 1 on his by the end of each day.

If he doesn't apologise and change, permanently, then really it's time to go.

He sounds like an absolute waste of space.

What's your housing/financial situation like?

I was that husband. Sort of.
I'd always do bedtimes though. Every night with a story and a song.
I'd make dinner too a lot of the time.
But I didnt do a huge amount round the house. Id always do the driving and all the kids clubs and sports. And I figured thats enough. I work from home and my wife works in a silly busy office with some huge stress points.
I also work in the events industry and that takes up two to three evenings a week.
It was your remark of he asked if your coming along too that struck a nerve.
I did that a lot whenever my wife was at home at school pick up time.
What I was actually hoping for was to sit in the car while she walked into the school grounds.

Being honest with myself. My days aren't very stressful or super busy so there was no reason I couldn't do the washing and dishwasher. Id run the hoover round a few times as I thought it looked like I'd done something.

I think for the longest time my wife felt as you do.

I didnt see it. And she ended up having an affair.

While thats definitely not the answer and we both regret what happened. Ive chosen to take it as a very painful kick to be a better me. To not be as lazy. To think more about what I can do and to cut back on the events and hire in extra help for them instead.

Don't get to that point but equally don't pussyfoot around the subject with your husband. Talk to him and explain your resentment and feelings.

I wish my wife had of chosen that option. Or that I'd had a thought about what she was going through.

Sooooo many women seem to accept this sort of life then take months/years to get around to doing what should be done at the first instance. Leave. I know, not easy. But not impossible either. The longer I’m on MN the more gobsmacked I am. So many doormats in this country.