My partner and I share four children, one of whom is ours together. We have lived together for two years, and before we moved in, we discussed me contributing financially to the house and going on the mortgage—with something in place to protect his existing assets, as I don’t want what he already has in the house. He has also received a very generous inheritance he wont use and has his family to sit on it. His family have also told him to not have a mortage with me because none of them trust me or anyone for that matter.
He has a good job and can earn even more by doing foreigners on the weekends. I was training to be an accountant but had to stop halfway through my Level 3 qualification because I was struggling with childcare. I currently work two days a week in accounts, but I had higher expectations as I was tired of taking entry-level jobs.
We recently had a brief split, and I had to move back in with my parents with nothing to my name. He has said he wants me back, and I’ve expressed that I want commitment—a mortgage, marriage, security, and stability—and that I won’t wait another few years to keep hearing excuses.
I’ve suggested that we buy a house together, and that he keep his current house to rent out and make a small profit each year. But there’s always a new excuse. The most consistent one is, “If we split up, I lose my money and get left with a big house.” I’ve tried to explain that it doesn’t work like that—we would sell it and split the equity. But he never seems to take it in.
I’m struggling to find childcare (everyone has booked before even having the baby), but I want to work 4–5 days a week to contribute financially. I suggested he cut back one day at work to allow me to make up more days and he still has five days work, since he’d be working five days either way. He agreed—compromise. But the next morning, it was as if we never had that conversation, and he said it’s not something he can do because it's seasonal work, which goes against everything we have discussed from him setting up his own business and going solo.
I’m at my wits’ end. I love him dearly and always try to help him, but I get nothing in return. He says that paying the bills for two years was him supporting me—which I don’t deny, he’s right—but he also complains that I don’t contribute, while doing little to help me be able to do so.
Any ideas?