Emotional split

[SugarSpice2020]

Hi everyone,

Wondering if anyone married / in LTR with kids has been through an emotional split? Meaning continuing to live as a family in same house, but more like flatmates; each partner free to live own life, date discreetly if wanted, no questions asked. (Not an open marriage, where you’re still sexually involved w partner too).

My husband & I married 9 years, 1 child. No major issues but we’ve grown apart & I don’t think it’ll come back (for me anyway). We are too different, no common interests, I feel very bored & often lonely mentally. Gone off sex. We live in the US, where he’s from.

We are considering an emotional split, esp as we’ll spend 2 months apart this summer while I visit family (with our child) back in the UK. Figure it’s to our mutual advantage to remain domestic partners, but if love & sex aren’t returning, why not free ourselves to meet others - might make us both happier, & less crabby w each other!

Love to know if anyone else is trying this / has done, and how is / was it?

Thx!

Not done this before but wishing you luck. It sounds hard but if it works for you both then why not?

Is there no love or feelings on both sides?

I can’t imagine the calibre of partners you or your husband would attract in this scenario would be that great.

What sane person wants to get romantically involved with someone who still lives as a family with their husband/wife and children?

Thanks both - i don’t feel there is love from me, not sure about hubby. We are definitely not ‘in love’ anymore, although I feel it might come back for him if I were more affectionate. I’m just not feeling it, saying ‘I love you’ feels wrong now. I do care about him, respect how he works hard for us etc. but without the attraction I can’t bear to have sex, and that’s a huge problem for him (as in, affectionate sex, nlt just the motions). I feel bad but equally don’t want to engage in something undesirable to me.

i think the sexual disconnect is pretty common in couples who’ve been together years - a lot to do w plain old biology - not sure how people work around this!

on meeting others - well no, I don’t envisage immediate relationships & nor do I want one. I mean letting each other have some freedom to flirt openly, grab a drink etc - minor barriers we’re not really crossing at present - might help us feel happier. Get the dopamine / serotonin flowing! I think if we go down this route, sex should be off the table for a few months anyway, as that would be a massive barrier to cross & harder to turn back, should we choose.

I wish you all the luck. Do what works for you both.

Just be careful of how things would work if one of you where to get into a relationship with someone else. It's not unheard of, feelings arise before you realise and it could just get messy.

! I think if we go down this route, sex should be off the table for a few months anyway, as that would be a massive barrier to cross & harder to turn back, should we choose.

Hmm, I think it's all very well in theory, but in practice, one of you is likely to jump through that "barrier" without discussing it first.

It's hard to negotiate an open relationship successfully and go at the right speed for both partners at the best of times. For a couple that don't even consider themselves together, someone's going to end up burnt.

What is going to happen about finances?

I think if we go down this route, sex should be off the table for a few months anyway

You are delusional if you think you will “let him have the freedom” to openly flirt and “grab a drink etc”, but he isn’t going to be having sex in every room of your house while you’re out of the country for two whole months.

Are you okay with your family breaking up regardless? All it will take is one woman to show him interest and affection and he will want to leave. Life without romantic love is hard.