Gone off DH after 2 DC..

[totalwiper]

We’re both 35, DC are 5 and 2. I work 4 x 6 hour days, DH full time from 7:30-5.
Oldest DC in year R and 2nd DC in nursery on the days I work.
This time last year we were much happier, despite the youngest not sleeping through the nigjt. We felt like we’d “got there” type thing after having 2 babies, and id finally settled back into my job after a 2nd maternity leave.

This year, I think the little one has got harder, which is understandable for age 2, but generally I think we’re feeling a bit meh. Childcare costs are (still) high, I’m still changing nappies (hence my user name) as DC1 was late to get the hang of the toilet (sigh), we don’t get a huge amount of family help and the weekends feel long and a bit unfulfilling. I’m not feeling my happiest right now. My job has started to feel a bit dull and I’m being unreasonable and taking it out on my DH, because he’s the easiest person to do that to..

I can’t fault DH, he’s an amazing dad, gets up in the night, very tidy, helps with housework, washing, dishwasher, bins etc, but I feel we have lost “us”. We used to get on really well, but I feel like we have no time to devote to that, and I’ve started feeling like he’s boring, but in reality I know it’s the situation we’re in.

I know everyone says it gets easier but I can’t see it getting easier anytime soon. Just wanted to get it off my chest really, and hear from anyone who’s been here/is here..

Also. I just want to say i do feel very grateful for my lovely little family, some days I really cherish these years, but others, like today, I’m struggling..

Honestly your in a better situation than most. Not helpful I know, but the truth all the same.
It's easy for relationships to get to this stage, especially with young DC's. But your husband isn't an asshole, he works, he does his share around the house. Yeah you don't get as much time for each other as you normally would, but this will pass.

Can you hire a babysitter if you have no family help? even for a couple of hours one night midweek? Go eat together, talk, hold hands, and more importantly take time for each other without the children. Find that spark again, remember when you didn't find him boring?

Best of luck

Quick note to say - I feel you, it’s hard on a relationship w kids, work, not much help! How’s the sex? Mine went AWOL after child (now 5), hasn’t gone back for me.
can you take any time out - even if when kids finally asleep - to try & reconnect? Babysitter occasionally? We’ve tried wknd afternoons for an activity rather than dinner (got so hiring, nothing to say!).

also , since your relationship basically sounds ok, I recommend reading The Love Prescription - short book focused on reconnecting in 7 days through a few easy habits. I’ve just re-reading ..
https://www.gottman.com/product/the-love-prescription/

let us know what u think, gd luck, it helps to share stories w good friends too & have a laugh if you can find time to meet every couple weeks & get outta the house (works for me!). X

We were there a while back and neither of us talked to the other about it.
It took us to get to an absolute crisis point where we are now to open up about how we were feeling.

Don't let it get to that stage. Talk to your husband about how your feeling and ask him how he's feeling and figure out what you can both do together to get each other through to the ages when your kids are old enough to look after themselves a bit or go to clubs.

I've just bought a set of couples cards. They have hundreds of questions on and you take the top one and read it out and you both have to answer it. Could be things like how have I changed over the years to what's the single most embarrassing thing you've done that I don't know about.

They really work and help change the normal conversations to something new.

Who do you have around you who could take the kids overnight? Just for a night off, it doesn't have to be sex straight away.

He sounds like a good one so it's worth putting the effort in. And this stage will pass, though I know that's no help all all right now.

I’m 30 years past this stage but just wanted to say that even the best relationships have peaks and troughs. Fundamentally you are with the right person but other factors are causing you to question him.

Weekends were unrewarding for us too and I felt I was getting dragged down by same old routine. Our solution was to buy a wee caravan and put it in an area we could get to quickly in a Friday. Washed uniforms at the site and picked up anything we needed in the local town. House was not as untidy as we weren’t there and we just kind of ignored the dust!

However we were all much more relaxed.

Try and get out at the weekends, it’s important that you do things as a family. Plan days out - doesn’t need to cost money. Honestly time flies past - they are only fun and cute for a short time!