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Original poster

Possible divorce over the telly volume

59 replies

TeapotCollection · 22/05/2025 11:58

Not us (honest!) but someone at work, she seriously thinks it might come to that

Between us we have suggested:

Take it in turns to have it at ‘your’ volume. He won’t do that because he “can’t hear it at all” at her level so no point watching

Get his hearing tested if he really can’t hear it at a reasonable level. No, he says there’s nothing wrong with his hearing

Have it halfway between the two. No because this is still too loud for her and too quiet for him so no one’s happy

Watch in different rooms. No because they didn’t get married to spend every evening apart (which is actually fair enough)

Any other suggestions I could put forward?

OP posts:
SpinandSing · 22/05/2025 13:30

Has she tried Loops? amzn.eu/d/fHgUqgx

They will quieten things down for her. She actually might get quite addicted to the whole world being a bit quieter!

butteredhorseradish · 22/05/2025 13:34

I wouldn't be able to stand the noisy television either so I'd be watching mine in another room or going out.
He should get a hearing test but if he isn't going to do that the consequences are that his wife won't want to be in the same room as him.

JamieCannister · 22/05/2025 13:55

Dreichweather · 22/05/2025 11:59

He needs to get his hearing tested.

100%. Telly volume is a red herring.

The issue is that his hearing is bad, and no-one should tolerate problems as a result of their partner refusing simple medical help.

Chazbots · 22/05/2025 13:59

I'm surrounded by people refusing to have hearing tests. It's painful.

You don't actually even need to leave the house, the RNID have a test on their website.

It's a major risk factor for dementia not addressing hearing loss...

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 22/05/2025 14:07

Swap seats.

DP started getting wound up by the fact that I always wanted the volume "too loud". Then one night we happened to end up in the opposite seats to usual, (the cat had stolen her seat, and then she couldn't be bothered to move when I came to sit down, so I kicked the cat out of her seat). Funnily enough I was perfectly happy with the volume but she complained that it was too quiet.

Turns out that usually the speakers were pointing directly at her, whereas I was off to the side a bit. We adjusted the speaker positioning a bit and now all is harmonious.

Communitywebbing · 22/05/2025 14:11

She needs to explain that poor hearing goes with developing dementia and he needs to get it checked.

SummertimeFeelingFine · 22/05/2025 14:17

Yes that's a very good point actually. It's extremely important to keep the hearing as good as possible for that reason.

Jk987 · 22/05/2025 14:20

so he won’t get his hearing tested to rule out that being the issue? Total dick.

DiggyDoodad · 22/05/2025 14:21

The OP's friend's partner should definitely have a hearing test if he can't hear the TV when it's on at a comfortable volume for other people.

My DH has hearing loss and wears hearing aids. Even so, he still needs to have the TV at a much louder volume than I do - and we always have the subtitles on as well.

When DH is watching TV on his own, he sets the volume at around level 21-25. When it's just me watching, I have the volume set at around level 7-9. When we're both watching, we compromise at level 18 with the subtitles on, so it's a bit quieter than his preference and a bit louder than mine but we both cope.

CloudPop · 22/05/2025 14:47

Communitywebbing · 22/05/2025 14:11

She needs to explain that poor hearing goes with developing dementia and he needs to get it checked.

This really does need to be publicised more. It’s a major issue and one that can be relatively easily addressed

MyIvyGrows · 22/05/2025 15:38

Loop earplugs are a good shout but not sure which ones would permit her to hear the tv at an acceptable volume - I use mine when we’re in the same room but I want to read and H is watching something. Means I can zone out the noise but still be present.

Fingernailbiter · 22/05/2025 15:55

Put the subtitles on. They’re available for most programmes (the ones my deaf relation watches, anyway).

eatreadsleeprepeat · 22/05/2025 16:01

Sunwarddangledhardens · 22/05/2025 12:03

I have a similar device, a Sony one which works because our Sony tv can do a split output, to its own speakers and to the personal one. It is very effective and saves arguments.

ThrowawayAccount29 · 22/05/2025 16:36

Blue tooth headphones

Subtitles

Try turning the volume down incrementally. In our house, I’m the one who likes it really loud so much so that I was even annoying myself! I decided to start turning it down a notch every week and am now down from 60 to 50 😂

CleanShirt · 22/05/2025 16:46

My parents were loud telly watchers and I can't have it on loud now as a result. Definitely divorce territory!

jandalsinsummer · 22/05/2025 16:48

Thank you I have had a shit day and the OP made me laugh!

TheIblisHasspoken · 22/05/2025 17:15

Just put subtitles on!!!!

MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/05/2025 17:20

TheIblisHasspoken · 22/05/2025 17:15

Just put subtitles on!!!!

Apparently every single solution to this issue is out of bounds.

User28473 · 22/05/2025 17:46

There is a hearing test app that is as accurate as the ones I have had done in hospital. He might agree to that if not an in person one. I need hearing aids, but when I don't wear them I just have subtitles on, I wouldn't demand the volume be on louder than anyone else is comfortable with. The fact is, if the loud volume isn't uncomfortable for him and it is for the other, then he has a hearing deficit. It isn't about personal preference.

Crowfeet · 22/05/2025 17:51

Definitely subtitles or perhaps she can invest in a pair of Loop earplugs. We have subtitles on most days as a lot of shows seem to mumble (or perhaps my hearing is going too and I’m in denial also!!) 😂

rwalker · 22/05/2025 17:56

It’ll be the tone and pitch he struggles with
there might be some controls for this on the tv

MaggieBsBoat · 22/05/2025 18:19

I wear ear plugs. I can still hear but it’s not painful and I can still get footrubs from my man! Win!

Emotionalsupporthamster · 22/05/2025 18:24

I’d divorce someone who didn’t care about me enough to get their hearing tested tbh. It speaks volumes (sorry!)

Original poster
TeapotCollection · 22/05/2025 19:23

Dont know if they’ve got a soundbar, I’ll ask her but I won’t see her until the middle of next week now

She did say she’d look at the neck thing

Interesting about deafness being linked to dementia, I’ve got 3 relatives in various stages and all of them have been hard of hearing for years

OP posts:
PeriMoan · 22/05/2025 21:19

I'm the "half deaf" spouse in this family. DH has the TV on "whisper quiet" most of the time. I use subtitles a lot, but often just accept that I'm not catching every spoken word of a programme, and just hope I'm not missing anything particularly important to the plot etc.

I am interested in the neckband speakers. To the poster who has them, how do they work exactly? If I Bluetooth regular headphones the sound only comes out of those. Will sound come out of the TV speakers and the neck speaker at the same time?

For what it's worth, I struggle with the TV but can hear other sounds that dh can't. E.g. If the heating has come on, I can hear the boiler firing up but DH can't hear that. So I think some of the "deafness" is a pitch thing too.