I need some rational and logical relationship advice

[TheBigPurpleOne25]

Sigh
Where do I start. In a long-term relationship of 6 years, we have a 3yo DS, not relevant I suppose but he has autism and is a handful. Things haven't been right in the relationship for some time for me although I'm not sure DP would agree, he's oblivious most of the time. I'm not very happy. I love him very much but I'm not sure if this is out of habit and familiarity, I dont feel that im in love with him anymore and when I try to picture the rest of my life, it doesn't fill me with joy that it will be with him. I don't feel loved or appreciated. We've no physical relationship anymore and if very much feels like going through the motions.i dont know what more is but I feel like I just want more?! I want to be adored, loved and I want my life to be with a man who just adores me and shows me that they love me.

We do not own our house. We are not married. We have no financial connection but he does provide financially more than I do. I relocated to live where we are now leaving all my friends and family behind. I'm seriously considering getting my ducks in a row upping and leaving and going back home to be near me parents and my home town-again familiarity. The problem being is I don't know where to start to get out of this mess.

My mental health is terrible and had been for many years. Mainly anxiety and depression. I'm afraid to go it alone and it just be me and DS. It sounds bad but I'm not worried about taking DS away miles from his dad because dad doesnt bother with him that much anyway and can't cope with his behavior. I've tried to broach the subject of breaking up before but we just end up going round in circles. I feel bad and guilty for having these feelings but I'm not getting any younger and I feel like I'm wasting my life being unhappy and having no romantic connection in my life anymore. Anyone been in similar situation and if you have what did you do and how did I turn out for you.

Briefly, because I need to go to bed, there’s a lot to unpack here. But what jumped out at me if the point about wanting to be adored and with a man who shows you they love you. You could easily leave this relationship and end up single for years. So the decision should be the relationship you are in or being single (with DS).
That is the first thing.

The second is about moving DS away from his father. The question is not whether his father would be bothered (you don’t know until you actually leave), it is what is best for DS and courts would hold that maintaining their relationship is best. So that does need to figure somehow in your plans.

The third thing is that you say you love your partner very much. If that is true, and it sounds like it could be useful to talk through your feelings with a counsellor or someone neutral because you are not sure, then it is worth thinking if the pair of you should have counselling. You say your discussions go around in circles, and so you need to maybe have some support in getting out of the circular conversation into one about what you both want and what you are going to do, even if that means separating.

I'd recommend seeing what your legal options would be. I'm not sure the courts would allow you to move far away with your child if your partner wanted to fight it so you'd need to understand what you can do before you do it.

Definitely look to get support with your mental health, either through your gp or if you can afford counselling then I would seriously advise to do it. It can really help you identify what your feelings are.

Going it alone is hard, but if it's the right choice then it's worth it so try and find ways to identity and clarify if that's the decision for you.

If you want to leave because you’re not happy in yourself that’s one thing; but I would say that finding another relationship, nevermind with someone who adores you, is in no way guaranteed, especially when you’re parenting a child with additional needs, especially if you’re planning to do the majority of care and not have regular weekends “off” when he goes to his dad’s. It’s incredibly hard to find and maintain relationships around full-time solo parenting.
So yes, leave if you’re not happy but not because you think a wonderful relationship awaits you.

(I wasn’t in the same situation as my relationship was toxic and son’s dad was abusive, but I did definitely think I’d find my “happy ending” out there with someone new. I haven’t, and that’s ok, but it is lonely)

One thing I would add is that you are in the weeds at the moment. Your child is only 3. It’s hard work and becoming parents always changes the dynamic. It gets easier again as children get older
and it’s very possible you might find each other again.

But I get that you’re not happy. I’m not actually sure from what you have said, if your relationship is the root cause though. You sound lonely. Do you have friends? Do you work?

Would your partner consider relocating back with you to where you are from. You’ll benefit from family support particularly if your child has additional needs.

That said, there is a bit of a flag that your partner can’t “cope” with your child’s behaviour. Also interested why you never married?

I have zero friends here and I'm quite isolated. I don't work and haven't done since DS was born although I am HCP by trade if that makes sense. We ever married because he just doesnt want to marry, not just me but he says he doesn't feel the need or to have a title or husband and wife which honestly is fine by me at the moment. He doesnt have the patience of understanding with DS and thinks he is just naughty, he is very much in denial about the fact that DS has autism. He would never relocate. He was born and bread in this town and has a life, job and friends here. I am very unhappy in the relationship. It's not a partnership, we are just co existing.

OP I am sorry to hear this. You do sound very down.

Your isolation is a massive question mark. What’s going on here?