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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH doesn’t have friends

25 replies

Ontheup2 · 21/05/2025 20:37

Hi

How would you feel if your OH didn’t have any friends that he kept in touch with / doesn’t seem interested to make new ones?

he has one friend from a hobby he used to have but he sees him maybe once every few years.

We meet up with his family, my family and my friends and their families. he’s quite content with that.

probably not helped by him living abroad most of his 20s and then we met a year or so after he returned. So I thought it was lack of opportunity, as we were soon after into parenthood.

i was disappointed that he’s not made any friends with school dads. But he only told me recently that one of the cliquey group was rude to him a while back - really childish mean thing - and some of them apparently share inappropriate photos on the dads group WhatsApp, so he left as he thinks it’s odd.

so seems fair enough.

although he seems to have tarred them all with the same brush. So he’ll say that none of them say hello… yet neither does he.

my ex-H was an absolute nightmare as he had a good friendship group and was great with all my friends to their face as he wanted everyone to want him to be their best mate - they then all raved about how great he was (theyre silent with this one, which makes me sad but everyone’s always pleasant) - but behind closed doors he was a nightmare and would try to cancel any of my friend related meet ups where he could as he actually had no interest in them.

so I much prefer this scenario. But it would be nice to have couple friends.

long post, sorry. But can anyone else relate?! Is this just normal for some guys??

I worry about him but he seems ok about it.

OP posts:
BearyNiceEars · 21/05/2025 20:46

I don’t see a problem with it, some people don’t need a large circle of friends to be happy. My circle is small, I find friendships really hard work as I’m an introvert and social situations really drain me. I have siblings who I’m really close with, a best friend and work acquaintances. That’s enough for me. I will be sociable if needed with DC friends parents etc… but I don’t feel the need to go out of my way, your OH sounds similar tbh.

GardenGaff · 21/05/2025 20:47

You say “we” meet up with “my” friends and their families.

How is he about you going out with your friends alone, without him?

Do you get to do that much?

EveryOtherNameTaken · 21/05/2025 20:53

Think there are loads of people like that but
especially men. If he's happy then does it really matter?

SirChenjins · 21/05/2025 20:54

DH is like this - he has no friends of his own which I used to worry about, but he’s perfectly happy. He used to have them when he was at uni and in his 20s, but moved around with work and lost touch with them over the years before social media made it easier to keep in contact. He’s very much a homebody, quite happy in his own company or with his family. Gets on well with his colleagues and will chat away to my friends husbands. I’m the opposite and have a wide circle of friends. It works for us.

Namechangedasouting987 · 21/05/2025 20:55

Don't see the issue really.
I have 3 close friends I see. That's it. We don't socialise as couples. I am quite introverted and happy with my family and the occasional meet up with DH's friends as couples. He sees the men alone nearly every week.
I have always had a small circle.. I am just not all that sociable.
And I have zero friends from DC friends parents. I also found the school gate cliques really annoying and immature. So I totally get that!

ilovepixie · 21/05/2025 20:56

Some people don’t need lots of friends. I don’t. I’m perfectly happy with a couple of friends. I would hate to have a big friendship group and have to maintain all the friendships. It would be exhausting! And why does he need to be friends with school dads? I never understood having to be friends with other parents.

Tbrh · 21/05/2025 20:57

I'd hate it, but I think alot of men are like this mostly as they can't be bothered to put in the effort to maintaining a friendship. I also think it's a bit sad, it's good to have friends. I feel the negative impact on a relationship is that they're not bringing any social aspect to it, always expecting you to arrange any outings and if they're always at home because they don't have anything else to do. But if he's fine with it and you are, I don't think there's a problem. There's not really much you can do about it anyway.

Orangesinthebag · 21/05/2025 20:58

For me it would be a red flag. But that's because my ex H was like that and I hated it.
If I ever get with someone new they will need to have a few close friends that they have made the effort with over the years and be prepared to make their own new friends going forward.

Why doesn't he have friends do you think? Can he make conversation?
My ex H just couldn't and came across as stand offish and downright rude when we met up with, say, fellow school parents etc. I used to find it toe curlingly embarrassing and hated having to almost talk for him. Ugh, shudder!

Picklechicken · 21/05/2025 21:03

Not everyone wants friends. Dh and I don’t. Neither of us have any friends and can’t be arsed with making any. We just don’t like the drama of it all and having to keep in touch with people. We’re very introverted and if we’re not with each other we just like time on our own. If it doesn’t bother your dh then that’s just the way he is and is doesn’t mean anything is “wrong”.

Beyondburnout · 21/05/2025 21:04

He sounds like a lovely bloke excluding himself from the pervy whatsapp group. If he's not bothered I wouldnt be either.

CarrieLite · 21/05/2025 21:08

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. But then, I'm like your DH. I don't have any friends, don't want any friends and I haven't for years. I enjoy my own company a lot, I'm close to my family and don't see any need for friends.

LittleTwiggy · 21/05/2025 21:21

I can relate. DH isn’t bothered about having friends and says he’s happy in his own company. His dad is the same. He used to have school/uni friends but all have drifted apart.

Like you, I’m disappointed to not be able to have couple friends. In my NCT group a few couples became really close as a smaller group because the dads became good friends as did the mums and I felt a bit gutted to be left out of this.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 21/05/2025 21:22

My OH doesn’t have a lot of friends and he’s great. He’s got a couple of really close friends but the rest he’s lost touch with, they moved away, started families (we are child free), he gets on great with colleagues and everyone thinks he’s ace (we do the same job). My social circle has halved since I turned 40 and it’s much better as I’m naturally introverted. Quality over quantity now for me, less drama etc. We like each other’s company.

Eyesopenwideawake · 21/05/2025 21:23

In the 16 years we've been together I've met his niece once and his childhood best friend (and wife) once. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 21/05/2025 21:35

I'm a female social introvert. I like my own company and love peace and quiet. I don't have friends, mainly because friends have let me down in the past.
That's not to say that I don't enjoy being with people that I feel comfortable with. I can put myself out in the world when I need to and if I think I'm going to enjoy it.
I actually work with people every day and I've achieved great things in my career.
I have a great sense of humour and I'm caring and quite lovely. Please don't worry about him if he is treating you in the way you wish to be treated.

Dawnchorusiswonderful · 21/05/2025 21:48

Every one is different.
It's horrible that people who are happy in their own company are stigmatised by society as weirdos.

Springflowersyay · 21/05/2025 21:50

My DH has no friends and isn’t interested in them.

I do sometimes think it would be nice to have couple friends, but he doesn’t see the point.

So I go out regularly with my friends and he does his solitary activities.

ZebraPrintt · 21/05/2025 21:53

My husband doesn't, he moved across the country and just never made any. He's not bothered by it

PinkChaires · 21/05/2025 21:59

is his family big? Does he have brothers/brother in laws? I find that men often get their social input from family

TheBlueUniform · 21/05/2025 22:00

I’d have no issues with my partner having no friends. Initially I would wonder if they weren’t particularly nice and would question whether people don’t like them and why and base my judgment on that but once I got to know them and found out they were lovely, it wouldn’t bother me at all.

My ex had no mates but everyone loved him and wouldn’t say a bad word against him but he couldn’t be arsed with folk. It was enough for him being social at work, havivg kids and family. He liked playing snooker and was happy with that. He grew up elsewhere too so that made it difficult to make friends but as I say, it was through choice for him

Original poster
Ontheup2 · 21/05/2025 22:15

Thanks for the responses, and definitely wasn’t suggesting he was a “weirdo”!!

he’s fine with me seeing people but if there’s a period where I’m out seeing people at a few diff things it feels unbalanced.

but we’ve sorted that by making sure he gets times out for his hobbies.

i think it’s seeing all these couples at school where they’re treating it like uni again, and I’m wondering if I’m missing something!

but we’re happy :)

OP posts:
Orangesinthebag · 21/05/2025 22:19

Ontheup2 · 21/05/2025 22:15

Thanks for the responses, and definitely wasn’t suggesting he was a “weirdo”!!

he’s fine with me seeing people but if there’s a period where I’m out seeing people at a few diff things it feels unbalanced.

but we’ve sorted that by making sure he gets times out for his hobbies.

i think it’s seeing all these couples at school where they’re treating it like uni again, and I’m wondering if I’m missing something!

but we’re happy :)

If you're happy then it's fine but I guess your posting here for advice would suggest that deep down you aren't that happy with it, or something about the situation bothers you.

Maybe just think about that & what brought you to post about it.
Obviously it just doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or how many friends anyone else has or doesn't have, there are all types of normal, but something must bother you about it.

giddyauntie123 · 21/05/2025 22:50

Mine is like this too, I find it a bit sad and depressing

GoblinMarkets · 21/05/2025 23:00

It wouldn’t work for me. It would strike me as lazy and/or misanthropic, and I would have zero interest in being someone’s only conduit to the rest of the world.

GoblinMarkets · 21/05/2025 23:01

Ontheup2 · 21/05/2025 22:15

Thanks for the responses, and definitely wasn’t suggesting he was a “weirdo”!!

he’s fine with me seeing people but if there’s a period where I’m out seeing people at a few diff things it feels unbalanced.

but we’ve sorted that by making sure he gets times out for his hobbies.

i think it’s seeing all these couples at school where they’re treating it like uni again, and I’m wondering if I’m missing something!

but we’re happy :)

How do you mean, they’re treating school like university? Like, making friends?

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