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Original poster

The practicalities of break-up

2 replies

FemaleMule · 21/05/2025 08:01

I've been in a relationship for 19 years and we have 3 children together (17,15,11). We are not married. For the past 5, maybe 10 years, it's been slowly deteriorating to the point where I definitely can't see a future with him. So much has been wrong - and he has become a moody and strange man who blames me for everything (no doubt he even blames becoming moody and strange on me - ha!)
At the moment we sleep in separate rooms and continue to share the practicalities of parenting 3 - school runs, shops, cooking etc.
My question is - how do you actually split up? Our house is not worth enough to buy 2 houses big enough for 3 kids! So what do people do? I read so many threads about the end of long relationships with kids but I never understand how the practical side of it works, and I can't see a way for us to do it.
I wonder if it's better to just keep going 'living apart together' until the kids leave home.
Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
20thCenturyBoy · 21/05/2025 09:10

I was married with 3 kids (then 3,7 & 9). My wife was having an affair but wouldn't admit it. There was a few months where each of us lived elsewhere for half the week. Then i found out she was pregnant (!) so told her I was moving back in and started divorce proceedings. I said she could live the house if she wanted to but I wasn't going anywhere and that I'd buy her out of the house.

Ultimately I bought her share of the house (as part of the divorce) by extending the mortgage for me over a much longer period of time. I felt it was important that the kids (and me!) had some stability.

Is that an option for you? One of you buys the other out of the house. Perhaps the other property isn't as big as your current house but that's a compromise one of you might have to make.

And whilst you're not married you will need some legal support to separate property & assets (pensions ?) & perhaps agree on how you'll look after the kids so would advise getting in touch with a solicitor. They will of course have experience of advising on this.

Original poster
FemaleMule · 21/05/2025 12:47

20thCenturyBoy · 21/05/2025 09:10

I was married with 3 kids (then 3,7 & 9). My wife was having an affair but wouldn't admit it. There was a few months where each of us lived elsewhere for half the week. Then i found out she was pregnant (!) so told her I was moving back in and started divorce proceedings. I said she could live the house if she wanted to but I wasn't going anywhere and that I'd buy her out of the house.

Ultimately I bought her share of the house (as part of the divorce) by extending the mortgage for me over a much longer period of time. I felt it was important that the kids (and me!) had some stability.

Is that an option for you? One of you buys the other out of the house. Perhaps the other property isn't as big as your current house but that's a compromise one of you might have to make.

And whilst you're not married you will need some legal support to separate property & assets (pensions ?) & perhaps agree on how you'll look after the kids so would advise getting in touch with a solicitor. They will of course have experience of advising on this.

Thanks. We actually don't have any assets other than the house which makes it very simple I guess. I don't know if I could afford a higher mortgage by myself etc, I'd have to look into that...we have a tiny mortgage as it was pretty much derelict when we bought it, so to buy him out would be massive I think.

OP posts:
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