What is wrong with me

[Wingingitmama92]

So I’ve been with my bf for 3 years this year. And I don’t know what is wrong with me but I’m insanely jealous of his ex, not because they were together and have kids together but jealous of her new relationship!!!??
has anyone else ever had the same?
They seem madly in love and plastered it all over social media.
But then I often think people do that when they are trying to prove something?
i don’t understand why my brain works like this.
Her new partner doesn’t have children and my bf has two with (said ex) and that makes me jealous that she hasn’t inherited “step kids”
has anyone else ever felt like that? It’s driving me mad. I feel so bitter towards them
someone please give me some advice and is this normal behaviour?
Thankyou

She still has 2 kids.
Do you resent having stepkids?

@S0j0urn4r I don’t even think it’s that, we only have them every other weekend and I have a son aswell so I’m tided down more than my bf.
I feel she still has control over things because of their kids. What she says goes and just feel she doesn’t have that problem as she doesn’t have a ex baby mama dictating to her new bf

@S0j0urn4r I don’t even think it’s that, we only have them every other weekend and I have a son aswell so I’m tided down more than my bf.
I feel she still has control over things because of their kids. What she says goes and just feel she doesn’t have that problem as she doesn’t have a ex baby mama dictating to her new bf

I don't understand, do you feel like her relationship is better than yours? I'd say it's very unusual to feel how you feel; jealously of her past or current relationship with your partner is probably more normal, though also unhealthy.
It suggests you're not happy with your BF? Or you feel insecure because you're with a man she rejected (if it was her choice..?) so you might feel she looks down on you for that..? Sort of clutching at straws here!

Totally normal to have some feelings towards the ex. And quite big of you to acknowledge and recognize that those feelings aren’t healthy. Is take a step further and try and get to the core of those feelings? How’s your relationship with your BF? Do you feel like she levelled up and you are stuck with him? Just some things to consider. I really admire your self awareness

@isthisright2020 Thankyou.
This is the problem I can’t work out why I feel like this.
her new bf is good looking but I don’t know him tbh so I don’t know what he’s like as a person. But this is why I don’t understand why I feel like this.
I don’t feel like she levelled up. When I met my bf he couldn’t drive or had no savings. He now drives and has his saving stacking up because I’ve helped him achieve that.
I have my own business, I have loads of friends and she unemployed with hardly any friends.
i guess my persective of how thier life is could be completely wrong as you don’t know what happens between closed doors

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug I guess I have a feeling her relationship could be better than mine? But that might just be a perspective.
i think you might be right, maybe I do think she looks down on me but I guess that’s because of my own insecurities because I really don’t have any reason to be jealous of her, I have alot more than her.

The question is, why are you following her on social media? Comparison is the theft of joy. You are choosing to focus your energy on her.

@Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk I don’t follow her, but we have mutals on TikTok and she’s always coming up on my page. And my bf sister sends me screenshots. But you are totally right, I’m probably doing it to myself. I should block her on everything and concentrate on my own relationship.

Does she cause alot of hassle ?

@Coffeislife Tbh not lots of hassle but she still has such a hold over my bf. After we’ve had the kids for the weekend she always on the phone moaning about something. Which makes me feel like I’m an awful step mum but also awful mum to my son as she knows I’m there looking after them too.
she chose to move 2.5 hours away with her new bf so there’s only so much hassle she can cause

My husbands ex is the same, the feeling I get isn't jealousy more of a frustration that she gets a fairly easy ans decent life ( believe me I know she does ) yet still has to throw in sourness

@Coffeislife yes Thankyou someone who understands.
however I honestly have no idea what their life is like. That’s why it seems to mad to feel like this.
im sure like most relationships they aren’t perfect.
I work my arse off to provide for my son and I she sits on her arse most the day and everything falls into place for her from what I’ve heard.
she’s driving around in a brand new car and I’m like how?? You don’t work!!
I could go on forever how frustrated it makes me with the way she does stuff regarding the kids etc but no one would have time for that 😂

Just block her and stop looking

It can be very frustrating especially when things with parenting are Brought up and depending on how your bf handles the critisms too, if he panders to her and then moans at you about it might be worth asking him not to share what she's said. Everyone parents differently one house to next that's just gotta be accepted providing there's nothing worrying.

But people all over the world have new cars, and have worked less hard than you believe you do. You seem as if you’re quite fixated on her — I mean, in the abstract an unemployed woman with two children she’s bringing up with what sounds like fairly minimal input from their father doesn’t sound particularly enviable or powerful.

Was it she or your boyfriend who ended the relationship? I suppose there’s always a slightly odd sensation when you’re with someone after someone has ended things with them. Is the issue that she simply doesn’t think much of her ex, your partner? And you sound as though you’re resentful of the children because they’re a conduit between your boyfriend and her?

I’d be focusing on your own relationship. It sounds problematic.

@RogueMandible very minimal input from the father?!
he’s a very good dad and very much involved and had them 50/50 untill she chose to move 2.5 hours away with her bf and was told the courts wouldn’t help him. She took the privilege away from him to see his kids in the week.
Also, if your children are at school then she should be working! That’s the problem with today, people have to many excuses not to work!
As much as I am looking for advice I didn’t expect such harsh feedback on my feelings,
im not fixated on her this is just new to me.
Thankyou for your advice!

Comparison is the theif of joy OP.

Change your focus. Enjoy all that is you and yours. Decide to take your eyes completely off her as she really does not matter to you and you have no power over what she is or does,. Your life and happiness does matter and you have all the power over that.

But regardless of why, the upshot is that she’s raising her children substantially by herself, apart from every other weekend when they see their father. And if he was a non-driver with little money when you met him, I can’t imagine he was able to contribute much financially, or easily able to travel to the children. It just doesn’t sound very enviable, unless you’re envying her not being in a relationship with your boyfriend…? Which is why I say to concentrate on your relationship. Is this really working for you and your child?

@RogueMandible Sorry I haven’t explained this very well. When I met my bf they were married but had split, he never learned to drive as they lived in a city and never needed to learn, once they got married and had kids ALL his money paid for everything for his family. So they never had the spare money for him to learn to drive. Since we’ve been together and he’s now living in a 2 income household whilst I’m also bringing up my son he pays what he needs to plus more for his kids but it is in a much better financial position because I don’t bleed him dry of his money, it’s how I was bought up. Work hard and earn your own money. she only moved a year ago and he was driving way before that so travelling to his children was never a problem. My bf is great, he’s a hard worker. Helps me with everything. Spoils me with love.
and that’s why all this sounds crazy, maybe it’s just me and I’m a jealous person of her and other people 🤷🏻‍♀️

@RogueMandible Sorry I haven’t explained this very well. When I met my bf they were married but had split, he never learned to drive as they lived in a city and never needed to learn, once they got married and had kids ALL his money paid for everything for his family. So they never had the spare money for him to learn to drive. Since we’ve been together and he’s now living in a 2 income household whilst I’m also bringing up my son he pays what he needs to plus more for his kids but it is in a much better financial position because I don’t bleed him dry of his money, it’s how I was bought up. Work hard and earn your own money. she only moved a year ago and he was driving way before that so travelling to his children was never a problem. My bf is great, he’s a hard worker. Helps me with everything. Spoils me with love.
and that’s why all this sounds crazy, maybe it’s just me and I’m a jealous person of her and other people 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MyNewNewlife Thankyou I really appreciate nice advice :)
I’ve never heard the saying “comparison is a theft of joy” and that couldn’t be anymore true.
for all I know she might be massively envious of me as my bf has hugely bettered his life since being with me.
But you are totally right, she really doesn’t matter to me and I need to realise that.
Thankyou

She lives rent free in your head. You should be focusing on yourself. What will make you happy?

@dontcryformeargentina I honestly don’t know, I think my self esteem is so low atm as it’s really bothering me atm more than ever. I am generally happy in life

@dontcryformeargentina I honestly don’t know, I think my self esteem is so low atm as it’s really bothering me atm more than ever. I am generally happy in life