Feeling Empty and Down

[Sweetlove23]

I had an awful year last year. Breakdown in a relationship of 13 years. Ended up seeing someone who didn’t want me for anything other than fun after this and it broke me. I really liked him. Also work with him and since start of the year even though he’s asked for this again. I’ve said no and also told him to now leave me alone so I can move on from it all.

I’ve come a long way since last year and ex and I are on good terms however he’s seeing someone new and seems really happy. I don’t want him back I just want to feel happy in myself. I feel so empty and alone. I have all these good intentions to get on with my life and I have good days where I feel ok then days like today where I’ve come home and feel so down and wonder when I will feel ok.

please tell me I won’t feel this way forever and I will start to enjoy my life. If any of you have been through this, how long did it take?

thank you for reading

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way OP. And I know it’s no consolation, but many many people have felt the same way (including me!). I’m not sure if there’s any one sure thing that helps in terms of getting on with life, but for me it was the realisation that I didn’t know how long it would take me to feel better. As I wasn’t willing to put my life on hold indefinitely until that happened, I decided to just ‘pick up’ my sadness and carry it with me while I tried new things, renewed old friendships, made new friends, began a creative hobby, nourished my souls with culture. It meant that I didn’t wait to feel better - I just started living fully in the knowledge that I might never feel better. And by doing that, it somehow took the pressure off. If you wait to feel better, you may be waiting a very long time - my advice, for what it’s worth, is to keep your heart warm and open. Live as much as you can, and bring the sadness with you. It’s part of you, and it won’t stop you from living unless you let it x

@Barbarella73 thank you for responding. Living in the moment is a big thing but takes some getting used to. I have all these ideas about what I want to do and try but no motivation to actually do them at the moment. I feel stuck and like I’m just plodding if you know what I mean.

You may not have the motivation, but you can still make a conscious decision to do/try one of those ideas you have. We do things we don’t really want to do all the time (because we have to, to meet our work/family/social obligations). Waiting for motivation is a lot like waiting until you feel better - yes, you can do that, but you could be waiting a long time (or forever) to feel motivated or feel better. You can make a choice to do something now, in the absence of both of those things. You can also choose not to, and continue as you are. It’s entirely up to you. Personally, I’d rather feel bad while doing something that might ultimately move me forward, than feel bad and do nothing.