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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Liking suggestive posts (maybe)

2 replies

ImAnIsland · 20/05/2025 15:25

My DH is a musician and I was looking at his social media for his band, they usually just post about their upcoming gigs. I noticed that a girl he had a fling with before we met had liked one of their posts so being nosey I went onto her page. It’s more a page to promote her artwork (and her body 🤨) than a personal page. Scrolling through I noticed that DH’s band page liked quite a few of her posts, recent ones too. Now this wouldn’t have necessarily bothered me if he had liked pictures of her artwork but the posts he liked were quite suggestive and provocative pictures and videos of her basically belly dancing in very little clothes. I asked him about it and he said he had liked some of her posts but nothing provocative. He said it might have been his band mate who also uses the page. I didn’t think this band mate knew her but apparently he did meet her. However it was DH who had a romantic thing with her which makes me wonder - although said band made would be the type to like this type of content so I don’t really know what to think.

It’s just honestly made me feel so low about myself. I have been feeling really bad about my appearance and just myself in general - ever since having a child my body is basically destroyed - my bump was huge and my skin is all stretched and wrinkled, it’ll never go back to normal. I just don’t feel like DH is attracted to me anymore. Sometimes he compliments me but sometimes he makes ‘lighthearted’ comments that are actually just a bit hurtful.

So the thought of him using his bands page to potentially look at and even communicate with women he has dated makes me feel like shit. But I’ll never really know if it was him or not. Guess I’m just wondering how others would feel and am I being overly sensitive?

OP posts:
GiantSaucepan · 20/05/2025 15:40

Now you’ve spoken to him about it, it will be interesting to keep an eye and see if the likes stop or not.
Have you had a conversation with him about how you’re feeling about your body and what his ‘light hearted’ comments are doing to your self esteem?

ImAnIsland · 20/05/2025 15:50

@GiantSaucepan yes that’s a good point, I wonder will they suddenly stop. Although if they did, he could say that he told his bandmate to stop liking them maybe? My trust feels a little shaken, which might be totally unreasonable because it could very well have not been him..

We’ve not had a proper discussion about it really but I’ve mentioned that I’ve been feeling the worst I’ve ever felt about my appearance but I just don’t think he takes it seriously. I think he just asked why and that was it. Then the other day he sent me a photo of me asleep with my son with my shirt up exposing my stomach that I feel awful about and with ten chins… I don’t know why he’d think that was funny given I’ve told him how low I’m feeling about myself

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