Completely fed up and sick of DP even though he is doing everything right?

[Watermoves]

DP and I have been together for nearly 4 years. Lived together for a year. 2 kids from previous relationships.

DP had a problem with alcohol (I didn’t realise until he had already moved in etc 🙄) , he has been completely sober for 8 months now. In this time he has transformed his life!

He eats better, looks better, works hard, earns more money, has renovated our gardens, parts of the house, changed the cars (upgraded), he is very generous, forever buying me and the kids things (often we don’t need), he is always doing things to ‘help’.

And tbh, I am sick of him. It’s all so fast paced, all has to be done right then and there, conversations are basically him telling me a list of what he has to do like it’s life or death.
He seems stressed by it all yet if I tell him to slow down that is met with ‘well I’m doing all this nice stuff/stuff that needs to be home etc’ it’s all needs to be done.

Just asked him if he wanted me to pick up something for dinner in the way home or if he wanted to eat something we already had and he has blown up about ‘how am I supposed to think about food when I’m at work and then I have to drive to XYZ’ it’s ridiculous and tbh I’m sick of it.

But how can I be sick of someone working harder, helping around the house, helping me financially and practically to get a new car etc?

should also add, I earn a very good salary so I didn’t even need his help with extra money or a new car 🙄

If you’re feeling that way about him nothing he does will be right. Sometimes it’s not about him doing good “stuff”; it’s about just having had enough of him.

When you give up alcohol you realise how much time you wasted so everything becomes very urgent. You also have a clear head for the first time in years

He says exactly this.

has renovated our gardens, parts of the house, changed the cars (upgraded), he is very generous, forever buying me and the kids things (often we don’t need)

Is he doing these things without consulting or "hearing" you? If yes then you might be feeling as though you no longer have control over your life anymore.

Thinking back to how I felt with my ex - even when he wasn’t drinking my life was still dominated by the ‘not drinking’ instead of the ‘deinking’

Really interesting. Was he doing similar things?

He does kinda ask my opinion but gets a bit stressed if I say ‘shall we just wait and see what we think of that etc’

like with the car, I mentioned maybe upgrading in some time end of the year etc, BAM, let’s look at cars, let’s test drive this one, fuck it let’s get it. Honestly all happened so quick and makes me feel ungrateful if I say no.

I mentioned decorating the bedroom, next thing I know he has all the paint and equipment and is up there dismantling furniture ready to paint when really I could have done without it that weekend

Early sobriety is Whac-a-mole - you push down one addictive behaviour, it pops up all over the place in other behaviours and/or addictions.

Is he doing any therapy/psychological support?

You can also be done with the relationship, you know. You don't need a reason. You don't have to stay with him because he quit drinking 'for you'. If he quit drinking for anyone other than himself his sobriety won't last anyway.

Not similar things @Watermoves but as @ChandrilanDiscoDroidthey just move the addiction into something else. But it’s just his whole life became about recovery. Meetings all the time. Family life got even less than before tbh, he ‘had’ to go to meetings early to chat to people - so a day out on a Sunday was ruled by needing to be back. Mid week I did all the bath and bedtimes. Really hard for me to go out with friends.

he still got stressy really early - that’s probably though because at that time he was actually undiagnosed adhd.

he did move the addiction to codeine which is harder to spot…..not saying yours will but it’s possible.

The drink may have taken the edge off him and you were used to that nicer him. Now he’s not drinking he is in effect a new man. More energetic and active, sure, but also maybe pretty anxiety inducing.