married 20+ years, unhappy marriage. I find DH unsupportive and controlling but he would say the same about me so who knows. We have 2 teens. DC1 in part time school with HFA and severe MH issue, suicidal and a lot of other crap going on. DC2 has autism and learning difficulties, much lower functioning and needs round the clock supervision due to the level of their learning difficulties.
I work part time on a low wage (17k), DH has a good wage (about 55k) we are in a cheap part of England, mortgage paid off.
DC1 has intense therapy and we have about 3 appointments per week (DC2 only has occasional appointments). I do them all in my working hours and work the time back. I do all the household, washing, cleaning, laundry, childcare, I look after them in the school holidays, all the driving around - on top of working 5 days a week (albeit not full hours). I have no friends, or support network, and no family nearby and the combination of caring for 2 such complex needs, work and running a household plus appointments is too much. I am completely drowning. DH's job is very stressful and he often comes home late, loads of travel (within the UK, so leaving early to see clients quite far away and coming home late) but helps wherever he can. Out learning disabled child is particularly difficult on the evening, struggles with sleep, loads of night wakings.
In essence, it's not working for us to both have employment. We both struggle and started to make a lot of mistake and both of our jobs are in the line. We could cope on DH's income plus me claiming carers allowance (currently earn too much), DC get DLA both too.
However, DH is not willing to pool finances. We share the bills. He pays some and I pay some so we end up paying 50/50 (even though his salary is much higher - there is an element of financial control). I cannot move out as I do not have the means. If I gave to work, I could sort a lot of things during the day which would make everyone's live easier and it would help DH to hopefully stay in employment as the current situation is not sustainable. But, I know I would set myself up for mystery. However, I have been struggling so much lately with work, that it has been noted and I am on an improvement plan and will lose my job probably in any case.
I really do not what to do? Resign, in the hope things will get easier at home and I can take the pressure off DH and we have at least his income, or hang on to my job and risk running us both into the ground and ending up both jobless.